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Helen Hunt Jackson 6-1-1 transcription

Helen Hunt Jackson Papers, Part 6, Ms 0353, Box 1, Folder 1, two journals by HHJ's father, Nathan Fiske, 1815-1817

Transcribed by Gloria Helmuth, September 2002

Nathan Fiske's Journal: "An Account of the State of My Mind Occasionally"

begun May 14, 1815

This is the day our blessed Redeemer rose from the dead. That Redeemer who left the magnificence of heaven, took upon himself the vile nature of man, came down to this sinful world, tabernacled here in the flesh, was buffeted, & spit upon by the unbelieving Jews, and finally suffered the ignominious death of the cross, and all, that man, poor sinful man, might be justified before God! When by the law no man could be saved,) for all have gone astray from the commands of God), our gracious Lord was pleased to give his only, & dearly beloved Son, the lovely Jesus, a propitiation for our sins, that by his death we might live. Thereby is laid open a way in which, tho' our sins are more than the hairs of heads, & our crimes greater than mountains, we may obtain forgiveness, & in which God may be just, & het justifier of him that believeth. O boundless love! O infinite mercy. And did Christ die for my sins?

Yes, he surely did. How then ought my whole life to have been spent in his service, in promoting his cause, & seeking his glory! But, alas! I have neglected all this, nor has omission been my only fault, it had been accompanied with repeated & aggravated crimes of commission; not only have I neglected to do good, but been forward to do evil; I have not only disregarded common, but resisted special grace. Why was I not cut off in the midst of my iniquities. Why did not God, in his wrath, execute that every cancer justice demanded.

By the mercy of God I am yet living, & am brought to sense of my own inequity, of my own sinfulness, & I hope & trust to a sincere repentance thereof. May His mercy, this infinite mercy, which has so long been calling, & which has so often been slighted, while it draws the tear of penitence from my eye, make my soul glow with gratitude to that glorious being, who has thus translated me, as it was, from death unto life.

May I henceforth dedicate my days, & talents to Thy service, may every act of my life be done, with a single eye to Thy glory, gracious sovereign of the universe; & wilt thou accompany me with thy grace through every succeeding period of life, & guard me from the snares & temptations, which will surround.

On the 29th of April the pouring out of the Spirit was first manifested in this place, tho' I knew nothing of it till the 2d of May. It appears that Junior Hadduck had been under serious impressions for some time, & having by the grade of God been converted, on Saturday 29th Apr, made known in a conference what the Lord had done for him, & exhorted all to flee the wrath to come. This aroused some of his classmates from their lethargy, & they began to enquire, "What shall we do to be saved"? On Sunday, Prof. Shurtleff delivered a sermon upon which had considerable effect, And during the deliverance of this, O! Must I record it! Alas! It is already recorded, & recorded where nought but the finger of God can erase it, - during the deliverance of this, I say, I whispered & laughed! Yes, in the holy sanctuary, in thine immediate presence did I do this! Why, O why was I not cut off in the midst of my abomination.

At the conference that evening was read Edwards' Sermon on Deut. 32.35 - "Thy feet shall slide in due time" - in which he forcibly describes the miserable situation of "sinners in the hands of an angry God." This produced a very powerful effect. Monday the work of the Lord increased at conference at Mrs. Chapman's was (I understood) very full, & many were earnestly inquiring the way to Zion. I was present at none of these meeting! And had attended but one conference the whole spring! Tuesday morning I was told that many in College & some of my Classmates had become quite serious. I ridiculed the thing, & ascribed to sinister motives. But seeing it increase & prosper wonderfully, I then considered as the work of imagination, & proceeding solely from sympathy, & passion. In this opinion, I remained till Friday night, treating this glorious work with levity & contempt. Why did not the Spirit grieved at my resistance, return & leave me to a reprobate mind? "God is rich in mercy." - Friday night I had some conversation with Classmate Temple, which brought to reflect a little on this subject, & I was soon persuaded that it was the spirit of God, which caused this change. I attended a prayer meeting in the evening, & was somewhat impressed, but having returned to my room, & reflected on my past conduct, I thought it would be an everlasting disgrace to me, that it would leave me weak & fickle-minded, to yield to these impressions, when I had treated them so long with ridicule! This temptation, this snare of the Devil succeeded admirably. I determined to throw them all by, and show myself a person of independence & spirit! And thus laid down to rest with an increased weight of guilt! -

Now justice loudly called for vengeance, yet mercy spared! The next morning, I arose, as bitter as ever against the friends of religion. After breakfast observing a collection before Prof. Shurt. I went & joined it merely out of curiosity, perhaps from some worse motive. Prof. S. asked me what I thought of the late change in the Institution - Here I felt the demon rise within me! "I would not be frightened by him." I thought, & answered, that, " considered it principally caused by sympathy." I turned away almost enraged. I attended the public conference in the afternoon, for what reason I cannot tell, but it pleased the Lord here to awake me & open mine eyes. It was suggested that it could not rationally be expected the Spirit would remain with is longer than it did at Yale, which was only one week. - It was that day just a week from commencement of the revival here. The following text rushed into my mind, "The harvest is past, the summer is ended, & I am not saved." I felt as tho' the gates of heaven were shut against me. I returned home, deeply concerned for my situation, - I read the sermon of Mr. Edwards on Deut. 32.35, & found my own state exactly described, that I was in the hands of an angry God, & who would take vengeance. -

Sunday in the forenoon Prof. Moore preached a sermon from [about 1.5 inch of blank space] wherein he showed the depravity of the heart, & the impossibility of salvation by the deeds of the law. In the afternoon from [about 1 inch of blank space] he showed that the way & the only way of salvation was in Jesus, that the reason all were not saved was their unwillingness to throw themselves at the feet of the cross, to repent of their sins & plead for mercy. And is, thought I, the only reason I am unreconciled to God, my own unwillingness? Yes, this proud heart will own no master: it cannot, it will not submit to humbling terms of the gospel; willingly would I cut off an arm, or pluck out an eye to obtain eternal life, but to submit to God, to confess my dependence on him, & received salvation as a free gift, how degrading - Thus did I resist, refuse & dally! Till Wednesday morning, when I thought I could submit to God, I felt my dependence on him, & thought I could rejoice in it. But I was deceived: I was praying afterwards, I thought with sincerity, when someone rapped at my door - and, must I confess it? I blushed, I felt a secret shame to be found in such a humbling state! O wretch! Ashamed of thy Creator! Ashamed of him who hung on the cross for you! - Then did I feel my inequity, my unworthiness of the least of God's favors. Then did I feel my desert of eternal punishment, & remediless woe. O what anguish! Yet what was it when compared with that Jesus felt, when he exclaimed "My God, why hast thou forsaken me"? Then was I humbled, I threw myself into the arms of Jesus, & plead for mercy; nor did I plead in vain - a beam of light darted on my mind, a world of happiness was in it - I could exclaim, "I yield my power to Thy command, To Thee I dedicate my days." And O! May I do it. -

My hope has not forsaken me, tho on Thursday I was rather doubtful. On Friday felt more happy in afternoon. Mr. Southerland, of Bath, preached from John 9.25. "Whereas I was blind, now I see." I thought I could in a measure adopt this language. Yet I see men as trees walking - Yesterday I saw clearer the glory of God, & my own depravity. Mr. Southerland an excellent sermon in Chapel from Acts 13.38 - Attended conference in the evening, it was very full, tho' they appeared not quite as earnest as usual. - To day I have enjoyed myself, - One hour, Lord, in Thy service, is preferable to thousands elsewhere - Mr. South. preached from Ephesians 2.2 in the forenoon, in the afternoon from Matth. 13 Chap, upon the parable of the sower, which was very appropriate; it is probable that the seed will fall on as many different soils in this place, but would to God it might all fall on good. - He preached a third sermon from John 3.12. Each was delivered without notes, & in a masterly manner.

How grateful ought I to feel to that Merciful King, who has thus brought me out of the gall of bitterness, how ought I to adore his goodness! May he grant, in his mercy that this be an effectual change - God forbid, that I should return to my inequities & evil ways, like the dog to his vomit.

Monday - With what new feeling do I attend prayer in Chapel! This once disagreeable task is now a pleasure. - The morning bell which once beat it dismal notes to call me to a tedious duty, now joyfully sings, Arise, Arise, & worship thy Creator. -

Called on Tutor Murdoc this morning & conversed a little on the late reformation. He was much rejoiced that God had pleased to soften my heart - said he had always taken a great interest in my welfare, - How unworthy have been in this regard! - Read a little in Burk's Young Christian's Guide, noted the principle ideas as far as I read.

Am very much engaged in preparing for Quarter-day, & am on that account excused from Recitation. - Attended conference in the evening, & felt considerably engaged, was called upon to open the meeting by prayer, which I did, in a very faulty manner, it being the first time I ever attempted it in public. But God knows the hearts of all, & if it was done in sincerity it was acceptable. - Asked during the meeting, Class. Wilcox, who appears to be sliding back, whether he meant to persevere in the way to Zion, or to return; he observed, he had not advanced any; asked him if he didn't think he ought, he answered he had no sincere desire to; I told him, I thought he was going fast to perdition. - I felt sorry I used the last expression, because it may have enraged him, so that he will not attend to the concern of his soul - yet I believe my intentions were good. - I record this that I may be more prudent hereafter. - May God pardon whatever was amiss in my conduct - and O! May I not indulge the idea that God will be under any obligations to me for what I have done this evening, if my intentions were good, but let me feel grateful for the privilege.


Sunday May 27. [little hand] See the vanity of man's resolution. I have not written half the days. - I have been so much engaged this week: preparing for Quarter, I have not written any in my journal.[insert little hand info here] I do not intend to let another day pass without writing something. Nothing particular has happened since Monday. The Spirit seems to be departing from this place, & no wonder for many in their hearts have desired Jesus to depart from our coasts. But if we would pray, if it be consistent with Thy holy will, O lord, that thou wouldst not leave us till every soul is brought low at thy feet. - I have this day enjoyed the privilege of attending the public worship of my God - and O! What a blessed privilege it is - How many thousands, as good by nature as myself have never heard the glad tidings of the people, have never heard of redeeming love, have never seen the word of God! And yet how have I improved all these mercies! O! How shall I answer for one of my offenses? But, may I repent, & repent in sincerity, not with worldly repentances, but with that repentance which need not be repented of & which is life everlasting. - Mr. Chapin of Woodstock Vt, was the mouth of the Lord unto us to day. He preached in the forenoon from Ezekiel 36.32. upon the sovereignty of God - This doctrine does not suit the natural heart, but can be proved by the Scripture, & this Mr. C. did most conclusively. No one can read with candor the 9th Chapter of Romans, & disbelieve in irresistible grace, for there it is expressly said of God that "he hath mercy or will have mercy, & whom he will, he hardeneth." This sovereignty of God is the very thing which causes the opposition to him in the hearts of sinners. They are not willing God should do as he pleases with those he has created, & this same sovereignty is the cause of the Christian's happiness, he rejoiceth that God reigns, for he will do right. - In the afternoon he delivered a discourse from Matth. 4.17 "Repent". Spoke of the nature of repentance & urged the necessity of it - and at the evening meeting gave another from Luke 14.18. Treated of the sin, folly & danger of delaying religion. O may I feel grateful for the privileges I enjoy & use them to the best advantages, & to the glory, will God pardon my coldness in his service this day, & enable me to perform it more acceptably hereafter. - Wrote home to day the first time since the mercy of God brought me to see my lost condition - O! May the news of what the Lord has done for my soul awaken them from their stupidity my brothers & sister - O! God, how unstable to bring them out of the gall of bitterness & bond of iniquity & place them on the rock of ages, & will thou of thy mercy do it for thy son's sake. - I head this morning good news from Cambridge, that there was apparently a rattling of the dry bones in that. We hope in our Father who is above, that there will be a change in that place; Let every Christian earnestly pray for this glorious event. - I must remark on the weather of late - it has been remarkably cold. Last Friday the 19th of this month the snow fell nearly two inches - vegetation is very backward - much more temperature to day. -

Monday. This charming morn all nature praises God - The lambkins sport upon the starting green, the forest wave their yielding heads, the music of the birds floats gently on the wholesome air, while the distant waterfall murmurs forth a prayer. - And shall man refuse? That man for whom a Saviour died - who alone possesses reason - who alone has power to speak that praise - that he refuse to sing a song of joy? Ungrateful wretch! Is this the return you make for all the mercies of your Creator, Preserver, & Benefactor? Alas it is too true - he rises in the morning & lies down the evening without once thinking of God or eternity - But blessed be the name of the Lord. I am brought in a measure out of this bond of iniquity - het now often do I sin in contemplating the Divine Character, I entertain such low, degrading thoughts of it, & feel such a coldness in his worship. -

O may this dullness be soon removed, & the propensities of this corrupt nature soon conquered! - Begun Mensuration to day, the class are now a fortnight before me in the studies. Called on the Tutor to return him Burk's & had some conversation on the state of religion in Massachusetts - O what religion is that which says the Bible is not the word of God. Spoke of a book called American Unitarianism containing an exposition of their doctrines. - Attended conference this evening, but felt too dull & cold - unless we can praise our maker now, how shall we be fitted to ring eternal songs of praise.

Tuesday. After recitation this morning a pray [sic] meeting was held in our recitation room. Chase presided, called on me to lead in prayer - I refused - The motives of this refusal are to me very doubtful, whether they are pure, whether arose from a consciousness of my own inability to perform the duty acceptably, or because I feared the reproach of men. O! When shall we be delivered from the deceit of our evil & corrupt hearts! Heard of a pamphlet concerning the proceedings of our C. [College] Government. An unhappy difference seems to exist between the President & trustees. The cause or respective merits of it we don't know - received from the Tutor my oration - less marks than I expected or hoped. - Read a few lines in Mr. Hill's paper on the reformation at Princeton, New Haven & Hanover - I am sorry to see the liberty of the press abused, & the public prints disgraced by a ridicule of religion - he calls it all enthusiasm & bigotry. Whatever has happened at Princeton or New Haven I know not, but I can vouch for Hanover that there had been no enthusiasm here.

Saturday, June 10th 1815 - Nothing very particular has happened since my last journal. My time has been much occupied by common & religious duties, that I have found no leisure to write. The attention to religion here which had been apparently declining, is, (I was informed yesterday) reviving among the inhabitants. It is joyful to hear of God's stately going in diverse plans. It brings to mind the sayings of the prophets. We anticipate the blessed time when the Millennium shall begin, when all shall know the Lord from the least to the greatest. It encourages us to use, with humble dependance on God for assistance, those means he has placed in our hands to effect that marvellous change in the world, which must precede this happy era. - There is formed in this place, a Society called The Dartmouth Bible & Tract Society. This if constructed rightly, may be of great benefit to those destitute of the means of purchasing Bibles - I joined it last Thursday, I hope from good motives. - I have procured some questions which were written by the Principal of N.H. College, & given to the students, who hoped they had received the renewing grace of God. I have fixed them in this manuscript, & mean frequently to examine myself by them. ----

Friday, July 7th Time rolls away with almost incredible velocity. It is & in a moment is gone. It is gone & never returns. I was hardly aware a month had passed since I had written in this history of the state of my mind. College exercises so break the time that no opportunity, presents itself, but in the evenings, which (these summer days) are very short; besides a conference is held every other night in the week. - The reformation does not continue.

I can hardly tell what are my feelings at the present time. I feel my unworthiness of the mercy of God; yet I have partaken of this mercy, & my ingratitude deprives me of all title to its continuance. Many are now offering themselves for admission to the visible church of Christ. I delay to do it. Delay to do the will of my Blesses Lord & Redeemer? Can his follower do this? No. Then I am not thy follower, dear Saviour! O, Teach me my duty & give me a heart to do it. - "This do in remembrance of me." - "He that eateth this bread & drinketh this cup unworthingly, is guilty of the blood of the Lord" - Here a command almost induces me to go - but the awful consequence of eathing & drinking unworthily deters -O may I be directed in the right way!

Friday July 14, 1815 Yesterday I presented myself for admission into the church in this place. I felt a duty, which could not be neglected consistently, yet I fear I did not feel the importance of the step I was taking. I am very unworthy; but who is not unworthy? No one will ever be of himself worthy to take the bread & wine, the Body & Blood of our Lord & Saviour without the assistance of Heaven. O may I ever have a realizing sense of my unworthiness & my exceeding sinfulness - There were nine examined that time I was. I heard the examination of all but one, who was a girl apparently about twelve years old. Satisfactory evidence was given by them of their gracious state, that is satisfactory in the eyes of men; but God, who knows the hearts of all knows their hearts, whether they are friendly to him or not. They were accepted by the church, all excepting one, who differed in respect to baptism, thinking baptism by immersion the only one warranted by scripture. His case was deferred till the next meeting. Many have been accepted into the church in this place & I hope they were such as shall be saved. - My examination was Thus - I was called requested to give a brief account of what God had done for me, & what had led me to hope for salvation, & to present myself for admission into the church. I told in a few words my state of mind before, & some time after the reformation commenced. That my first evidence of being in a gracious state was the alteration of my feelings towards those who professed to be Christians, & my increasing pleasure in religious exercises. That the reason of my joining the church was that I thought it the duty of every one who professed to be a follower of the Lamb. Prof. Shurtleff asked, if I felt less dependent on God, since I had obtained a hope, than before? I ans. No. - Do you consider your changes, if you have met with any, as being the sovereign art of God's mercy? Ans. I do. Do you think his counsel & determination with respect to you was altered in the least from what it always had been? Ans. No. You think, that, if you have received a change of heart, he had determined from all eternity that he would change your heart to all the time & in the manner in which he did, if so be he has changed it. Ans. I do? He then recollected that I had seen the confession of faith & covenant of the church., & asked me if I thought the the [sic] sentiment contained in that scriptural? I answered that so far as I was able to judge, that they were. Thus was I accepted into the visible church on earth. But I must remember this does not make me a Christian. O may I never be left to disgrace the cause of religion, left, I say, because without help from God I certainly, must do it. But he is not at all obligated to favor me with the least his mercies, it would be perfectly just in him to leave me now, after my prayers, reformations, & repentance, to leave me to a reprobate mind & hardness of heart. Yet he will not, if I remain humbly penitent, for he has promised that He will keep such thro' faith until salvation. Yes Heavenly Father, Thou art my supporter & my protection, in thee shall I find safety, to The [sic] I resign myself, all I have, & all I am.

Sunday, July 18 This day we have enjoyed a blessed privilege. It has for some time, been a practice here to meet Sunday mornings, & have social prayer before going into public worship. We met this morning, I enjoyed the meeting, I thought very well. - Dr. Burton preached to us to day from Luke 5.31-2. "The whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." "I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners unto repentance." He inferred from this text the following doctrine, viz Christ will save none but those who are convinced that they are sinners & have need of a physician. In illustrating this subject, he showed. First. That all men are sinners by nature. Secondly, That they cannot be saved unless convinced of this. Thirdly, Described the character of those who are sick. - His sermon breathed of piety, & was well written. What gave me the most pleasure was the improvement, yet it gave pleasure mingled with anxiety. He inferred from the last head of his subject, the great danger of entertaining false hopes. Those who are sick, are those who are sensible of the sinfulness by nature, & by practice, & of their lost condition. Those he admirably compares to a person drowning. They catch at every straw in order to escape the pit; to which they see themselves falling - Many things, which are eagerly grasped by the convicted sinner, as foundation for hope, are, he says, no evidences at all of a change of heart. Of his kind is the having great joy, or the coming of particular scriptures into the mind, or dreams, or visions. The adversary frequently suggests comforting passages of scripture to a person under, in order to lure him into the hope that he had passed from death unto life, when he had not. Hence the exceeding danger of trusting in them. Great joy is no very striking evidence, that the person, who professes it, has received into his report the new principle, love to God. It may be relied on, that a person, whose joy succeeds his hope, has not received the new birth, because his joy then proceeds solely from his hope, & not from a view of the character of God. He rejoices because he thinks he has passed from death unto life. - A person, he continues, may have great joy, passages of scripture may rush upon his mind with great force, he may dream or see visions, & yet be no friend to God. Yes, a person may be very zealous in the cause of religion, may be instrumental to the salvation of many souls, & even lay down his own life, & he at the final day, hear Jesus say to them, "Depart from me, I know you not." - If all this can be done without that change of heart necessary for life, if all this, says he, can be done in an unregenerate state, how careful ought we to be lest we deceive ourselves it a false hope that we are the children of God? We ought continually to examine ourselves, & always to mistrust that our hope is without foundation, A sense of sin, of total unworthiness of the least of God's favor, of just desert of eternal punishment, is far from being no evidence, that indeed they are some of the strongest evidences of a praisers state. Those who are exercised with a painful sense of iniquities & unworthiness at the time of the regeneration generally are more pious, exemplary, & engaged Christians, than those who have the greatest joy. At the conference, speaking on the same subject, he said, after having shown the necessity of regeneration in order to a person's being happy, that daily repentance, increasing humility, & hungering & thirsting after righteousness, were the greatest evidences of a renewed state. The subject of God's grace daily & hourly sees cause for repentance, his sins are so great & so numerous, & he so continues in them in spite of all he can do, that he almost believed they will not be pardoned. This sense humbles him more & more, & the more he sees the weakness of his nature & the wickedness of his heart, the more humbled will he continue to be, & the more will desire to be delivered from sin, & the more will he hunger & thirst after righteousness. -

He spoke so well & told with so much earnestness how great things a person might do for the cause of religion, that he almost shattered my hope. - If a person, thought I, can zealously fight in the christian battle, & even lay down life, & yet be no friend to God, where am I, this cold & indifferent? Am I a friend to God? O, parent of mercies, let me not be deceived, open my heart to me & show me the worst of my case. I indulged a gleam of hope, from this, that I had not had any particular time of great joy, and that I had ever since my hope, a sense of my sinfulness & that this se4nse, altho' very feeble, had been increasing. & O may it increase & may I never forget my entire dependence on God for assistance. -

Those, who were examined last Thursday, were proposed to day, for admission in this church. I was one of the number. O may I remember till death the words of the Apostle, "He that eateth & drinketh unworthyly is guilty of the body & blood of the Lord." I must remark my regrets that so many of the students appear entirely regardless of their future state. Wilcox, whom I have before mentioned & for whom I ever felt a peculiar & to me unsurmountable attachment is gone far astray. He even disputed the Bible & doubts the existence of a God. O, may that God convince him of his error. -

Sunday, July 23. Again the blessed day of rest is returned. That day, which saints on earth, & saints in heaven will hail with sacred joy. Then I must exclaim in words of the renowned Dr. Watts. H.1L.2

"Welcome, sweet day of rest,
That saw the Lord arise;
Welcome to this reviving breast
And these rejoicing eyes."

In this hymn how admirably did he describe the feeling of the Christian on the Lord's day. He must have felt some of that unspeakable bliss which arises from the contemplation of holiness or he never could have painted it in such glowing colors. He ends thus,

"My willing soul would stay
In such a frame as this;
And sit, & sing herself away
To everlasting bliss."

Comment on this would be in vain. Several instances have directed my thoughts lately to the perfections of God's nature. Our coldness toward this adorable King & our disregard of his commands, I believe, arise in a great measure from the contracted, & infinitely inadequate views we have of his character. Bring ourselves finite & confined within a little circle, beyond which we are unconscious of every thing that passes, we attribute similar imperfections to Him, who is, in fact, "all in all." - And when we do have any adequate views of his character, when we think of him, as being infinite in every perfection, we are overwhelmed, & lost in astonishment.

When we view the heavens, look on that beauty & elegance displayed in their workmanship, even if we consider them p-l-a-c-e-d- t-h-e-r-e- created & adorned with the innumerable stars, that bespangle their azure surface, mainly for the pleasure of the inhabitants of this earth, we wonder at the power & skill of the Creator. - When we consider the stars as the center of so many systems, each composed of as many or more planets than ours, with satellites, comets & asteroids, all performing their periodical revolutions, with harmony & regularity, our wonder increases. When we consider each part of these systems inhabited by being like ourselves & every individual of them as much under the immediate care & direction of God as we are, what are the feelings? Are we not almost afraid we shall be forgotten in this mass of creation? What then will be our feelings, if we suppose ourselves situated on one of these planets & looking still farther into infinite space, we behold as many more suns each giving light, heat & motion to its own system of planets, each of which is in like manner inhabited, each of the inhabitants in like manner, experienced the kindness & protection of the Supreme King? And thus supposing ourselves to go from one of the appearances to another the most distant, every day for millions of ages, still should we find an infinite space beyond us filled with the works & glory of God. After we gave have taken this view of the works of creation, if we consider some of the necessary attributes of God, we shall find still more cause of wonder. Omnipresence is an essential attribute of a selfexistent being. God therefore must be present at all times in all the different systems, their planets, & other parts, he must fill at all times, the spaces between them & the infinite space beyond them & all around them. How solemn aught we at all times to be, considering that God is ever present with us, that he fills the very air we breathe, & the space thro' which we walk & that even our lessons do not exclude his presence. Yet all this view of the infinity of God is nothing compared with a view of his knowledge. Omniscience is an attribute equally as essential to a selfexistent being as omnipotence. Considering the Father of the universe as omniscient, we must suppose him not only to know all the transactions of the whole world & of all created existences within the circle of infinite Man, at the time of their action but as having known from all eternity all things that could possibly happen to all eternity, the withering of a spine of grass, as well as the overturnings of empires. And not only so, but all time is present with him. He not only sees at the same time all the actions & all the thoughts of all men in existence, but all the transactions, changes, revolutions, wishes, & thoughts, that have happened from all eternity, or to all eternity will happen, are before him, & within his comprehension, in one & the same moment. And all the innumerable ages, which ever have been, & ever will be are, to him but the present moment, & ever were so, & ever will be so, not only one hour, day, week, or year hence, but through millions of years to endless ages of eternity! We can only exclaim, "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom & knowledge of God"! But when we consider the glorious plan which he purposed & executed for the redemption of many, when we view the infinite God, the Creator of the universe, the Alpha & Omega, in the form of sinful man, in the manger, in the ministry, in Gethsemane, on Calvary's Cross, no language can express the feelings "how unsearchable are Thy judgements, & Thy ways past finding out," is all we can say. -

Thursday, July 27. Attended the church conference this afternoon. One was examined & admitted into the privileges of church members. Voted to choose a Deacon at the next meeting.

Sunday, July 30. - Prof. Moore preached an excellent sermon from Matthew 19.6. "What therefore God had joined together, let not man put asunder". He applied this to God's rule of government. God has joined certain things together, & no one ought to separate. - 1. God has joined holiness & happiness together. 2. He has joined sin & misery. 3. Absolute dependence, with moral liberty, Means & ends, Time and eternity, A state of probation & a state of retribution. He show that these were joined together & ought not to be put asunder. - After meeting I walked to Lebanon with Shedd to attend a conference near White River. The students attend conference in all the neighboring towns & have thro' God's mercy been the instruments used in converting several. I have attended several, at different places, at Lebanon twice, at Norwich twice, on the plain, & up the river. - But am so cold I only disgrace the cause. O how sinful it is to be cold in the service of him who died for man; to be cold when so many fellow mortals are hasting to destruction!

Friday Aug 4th Those who have been propounded & are to be taken into the church next Sunday met to day at Prof Shurtleff's, at his request. He wished to ascertain how many of them had not been baptized. Thirty-three have been propounded, six unbaptized. He read a Psalm. Then made some observations on the peculiar situation of us about to become members of Christ's visible church, & to covenant ourselves to be God's unreservedly & eternally. He observed that having voluntarily come forward & professed ourselves to be the followers of the Lamb, we can never after sin at so cheap a rate and as we did before; that we ought frequently to think of our covenant obligations; that the eyes of the world would be upon us, ready to turn our deficiencies in duty & indulgencies [sic] in sin to the injury of the Redeemer's cause. He mentioned that the company of Christians was a privilege; that every indulgence of the company of sinners, those indifferent to the cause of religion, as well as the openly vicious, tended to draw us from the path of duty & the sense of our relation to God; And that as we are often necessarily in their company, we ought earnestly to endeavor not only to avoid being led astray ourselves, but to draw them to the knowledge of the truth & to a sense of duty, by a holy & exemplary walk. He said that, as it was probable, that some of us, who now were about to join the church, did at the beginning of the awakening in this place hope that all, who were serious, would soon lose their impressions & become heedless as ever, & that had they done this, & returned to their former state, we should, instead of entertaining a hope of repentance been hardened in sin, & this was the case, for I am a person of this description; that we ought to endeavor to remain firm in the faith, if by any means our perseverance might be instrumental to the repentance of those who now hope that we shall fall away. - And O parent in Heaven will thou assist me to do this, to become & remain thy friend, to honor thy cause, & show to the world that I am a faithful follower of Jesus. - The meeting was closed with an excellent prayer by the P. -

Sunday Aug. 6th This has been a very solemn day. Thirty three persons, 15 males, 18 females were taken into communion with Prof. S's church. It must solemnize every mind to see so many come forward & publicly profess the Lord to be their God. To every friend of God, it must afford matter of rejoicing, but their joy ought to be with trembling. For among twelve apostles one was found a traitor; then it is to be feared that many of those who this day enlisted, will soon betray their Lord & Master. O how distressing the thought! That any should be so abandoned , so ungrateful, so wicked as to do this! But ah, how deceitful is the heart. Me thinks I must be the one, if any, my love is now so cold, my thoughts so bent on sin, I must be the one. What shall I forsake thee, My Redeemer, forsake thee, who alone can give me life, my all in all, forsake thee, who hast died that I might live, forsake thee who art "the chief among ten thousand & the one altogether lovely." He who has promised never to forsake those who love thee, forsake thee who alone can deliver me from the burden of sin, - "O, what anguish does it stir within my breast" - But I must, yes I shall forsake, unless thou support, O do not leave me to this deceitful heart - this feeble flesh, assist me & I shall live. Thirty three this day for the first time tasted the bread & wine in remembrance of the body & blood of the Lord, O how sweet to meet around the table of the Lord; I cannot hardly tell how I felt, a sense of my unworthiness almost overwhelmed me, while I eat the sacred bread, But when I drank, it seemed the blood of ablution, it seemed to wash away any sins. But soon the doubt of my own sincerity darkened my soul, O may I not be deceived, & may the Lord Jesus pardon the sins I may have committed.

Sunday, Aug. 20. Returned yesterday from Hartford, where I went Thurs. after examination, with Classm. Marsh, a subject of the glorious work of God in this place. His parents appear to be pious persons, & it may be remarked that almost all the subjects of this reformation have pious parents. This ought to excite parents to diligence in instruction their children in the ways of the Lord. - Mr. McFarland of Concord NH preached this forenoon from Job 22.21. "Acquaint thyself with Him & be at peace; thereby good shall come unto thee" After a short introduction proceeded after the following divisions. First. It is the duty of sinners to acquaint themselves with God, 1st. Because they stand in a peculiar relation to Him. He is their Creator, their Preserver & will be their final Judge. 2d. Because they who remain & die ignorant of Him must suffer everlasting punishment. Since God has denounced this against all his enemies, those are his enemies who are unreconciled to him & those only his friends who are reconciled to him. To be reconciled to God is to love him with all the heart, to approve of his law, & rejoice in his government. Now in order to love God, the sinner must know what sort of being he is; in order to approve of his law, the sinner must be acquainted with that law, & in order to rejoice in his government he must know how God governs. 3ly. Because they who are ignorant of God are ignorant of themselves, that is being ignorant of his perfections, his holiness, & consequently perfect hatred of sin, they are apt to think him altogether such an one as themselves, & thereby persuade themselves, they are reconciled to, & actually love God. - Secondly. It is the duty of sinners to be at peace with God. God is a perfectly holy, just, & good being, & therefore ought to be loved with the whole heart. His love is perfect & holy & therefore ought to be approved. His government is righteous, & therefore out to be rejoiced in.

Thirdly. Hereby good shall come unto them. Because God has promised his favor to those who love him supremely; to give them an inheritance of the kingdom of heaven, a place at his right hand.

Sunday, Sept. 3. The confusion & interruptions of Commencement have so disturbed me that I have found no time to write. The transactions of this anniversary are ill adapted to the feelings of piety. They chill every lantern flame of devotion, & destroy every holy affection. I was almost lost in the confusion. It has stopped & delayed much my spiritual race, if so be I am running. The whole time mine has been as it were a dream. It has left so few & so faint impressions on my mind that I hardly remember what I have been doing. This I know I have been sinfully deficient in prayer, self-examination & reading my Bible. I pray that I may never depart so far again from the path of duty.

Noon - I have enjoyed the meeting this forenoon better than I expected. How necessary is it in order satisfactorily to enjoy an public meeting to feel when entering the sanctuary, our entire dependance on the God of grace & have a sense of our utter unworthiness to come into the presence of the Almighty, & to the worship of our eternal Redeemer in his own appointed way.

Mr. Shurtleff preached from Acts 26.24-5. In discoursing on this text he showed - 1. What Paul preached that Festus should call him mad. The 18th verse of the same chapter contain the doctrine which Paul inculcated, saying he was sent of God to the Gentiles "to open their eyes, & turn them from darkness to light, & from the power of Satan unto God." This is clearly the doctrine of Depravity, because if mankind were possessed of an evil heart of unbelief, they could not be said to be blinded & to be under the power of Satan. And it is evident that this is the reason Festus called him mad. Because the rest of Paul's speech was principally a history of his conversion & after conduct, which Festus knew to be true: for it was confirmed by a number of witnesses. It is reasonable that the preaching of such a doctrine should displease so proud a heart as that of Festus, as it does every heart in its natural state. 2. That it was the words of truth & soberness. No Christian can deny its truth. &c.

3. The reason enemies of religion at the present day do not show as much opposition to Christians, as formerly. 'Tis not because the heart of man is at all different from what it was then. It may be owing in some measure to the difference of manners & custom as then idolatry was open & placed on images, but is now confined with the heart, & placed on objects which best please - but it may be feared that the greatest reason is that Christians do not as faithfully & earnestly preach the doctrines of the Bible & enforce them by their lives & example. It is highly probable that should the Apostle Paul appear disguised in some of our modern assemblies for public worship & preach as strongly as then the humbling doctrine which he preached before Festus, that many would call him mad.

Night - This afternoon P.S. preached from Luke 14.17 Come: for all things are now ready" He applied this parable to the salvation offered in the Gospel. Showing that all things were now ready on the part of God, in that, 1. He had prepared a place. Heaven is the place offered unto all who believe. Christ says I go to prepare a place for you. In my Father's house are many mansions - 2. In that he has prepared provision: The Saviour's body & blood will be a feast of love to saints to all eternity, & will be ever new & delightful. 3. The terms are easy & adapted to the circumstances of all. It is offered without money & without price. 4. The motives, by which all are urged to accept. This is the only sacrifice for sin which possibly can be made. There is no other name given under heaven whereby men can be saved.

5. The assistance, which is promised to all who come, strength to the weak, etc. - so that all things are ready on the part of God & nothing hinders inner repentance but their own will. Wherefore those, who say they are willing to go to Christ, but cannot, then must wait the will of God, are deceiving themselves. The fact is they are not hindered from going to God by a belief of this, but they prefer to sin, & then they make this an excuse for it. - Went to Dean Curtis', attended conference there. Read the death of Francis Newporte. I didn't consider the bad effects it might produce on the mind of Dean C.'s daughter, who had been for some time under deep concern for her spiritual state. I hope that in future, I shall be more prudent, & be enabled to do all things in their proper place.

Sunday, Sept. 10th Having slept with Chase last night, I took breakfast this morning at Mrs. Chapman's where I dismissed table. I believe table duties are generally performed with too little feeling. P. Shurtleff delivered a good discourse from Mark.8..38 "Whosoever shall be ashamed of me & my words etc." Shew

First. Who are ashamed of Christ - 1. They are ashamed of Christ, who disbelieve & reject his gospel. 2. They, who live in habitual neglect of religion. 3. They, who dispute the peculiar doctrines of the gospel. The divinity of Christ. The merits of his blood, & his Sovereignty. 4. They who neglect their duty through fear of offending the enemies of Christ.

Secondly. That there is no reason or excuse for any one's being ashamed of Christ. 1. Because he is infinitely great & good. . Because he has manifest such love to the world in his death & atonement. - Other reasons were given, which I don't recollect. This afternoon, P.S. preached from John 3..19 "And this is your condemnation that light etc" Shew

First, what this light is - the light of nature, his written law, & revelation by Jesus Christ. Secondly, that men chose darkness, is manifest, from the fall of Adam, the conduct of the unbelieving world before the flood, & especially from the treatments of the Jews towards our Saviour. Thirdly, the reason is "because their deeds are evil" They will not come to the light, lest they they [sic] be seen. Fourthly, Those, who are favored with Gods written law & revelation of his son, if they reject light, just fall under far greater condemnation. -

Sunday Sept. 24. Last Sunday I went with Prof. Shurtleff to dine. He was very familiar, & his conversation useful. - Two instances of mortality have happened the two last weeks. One was A. Pierce, student; the other, P. Avory, prentice to Mr. Lee. Both died without having any very consoling hope to Christians. But they are in the hands of him who must do right.

Mr. Parker of Londonderry preached to day. His sermon was good. I have been wickedly dull & in attentive to day. O what poor services, what polluted worship mine! How little do feel like my Saviour! O for grace to quicken me in duty - to lead me in the right path, the way of life.

Sunday, Oct. 15 - - I have been lost in sin these two weeks. - I am a detestable hypocrite, I fear. I blush when I hear the name mentioned. I have this day been examining my heart, & hope that the grace of God is implanted in some degree. O that I might live more to his glory. -

Sunday Nov. Have again enjoyed the privilege of entering the courts of the Lord; again heard the blessed news of salvation. How great is the goodness of God in appointing the Sabbath, were it not for this even his children would forget his being & soon turn aside to idols. With the enjoyment of Sabbaths & three confessions in the week, I can hardly keep my thoughts or movements on futurity. O, what should I do were I deprived of these blessed privileges? Yet how much more worthy of them are the heathen, & how much better would then improve them, were it not for God's infinite mercy. I should be deprived of them. - O, that I might be quickened in duty. I seem to have forgotten all the Lord's benefits. I am cold, stupid, & careless in duty public & private, now , while I am writing, I feel no love to Christ, my thoughts are vain & proud, "O that I were as in times past" O Dear Redeemer, do not leave me to my own wicked heart, abide in me, & drive out sin.

Sunday, Nov. 27. President Brown preached to day in the forenoon from [two inches blank space] This afternoon an excellent Sermon, from the words, Charity never faileth. Shew that love is the essence of holiness. It is in the moral, what attraction is in the natural world the principle which binds together its members. It is superior to most other graces, & must be possessed in order to an inheritance with the saints. - Have I this love? Important question, for tho' I may have gifts & all knowledge, without charity, I am as tinkling brass, or sounding cymbols. Yet how seldom do I put it to my heart? And have I no charity? Have I no love for Jesus, that blessed Saviour, the chief among ten thousands, & the one altogether lovely? O dear Redeemer let me not thus neglect thee, thou seest my heart, O give me one spark of true love, & my soul shall every magnify thy mercy. - This place has been highly favored of the Lord. Here he has magnified the riches of his mercy in the diffusion of his spirit, & the religious privilege here enjoyed clearly prove that he is good & gracious. But what shameful return we make to our God for all his benefits! Our heavenly Father is sensible of our coldness, our sins, & ingratitude, appeared to be coming among us in judgement. The spotted fever which had greatly raged in [can't make out name of town] & other places has attacked two in this place - one a grandchild of Mr. Sargent, died a few hours after taken. The other his daughter is now on the brink of the grave. She rejoices in view of death, trusting in the Lord her righteousness. - O that God would stay his wrath, & have mercy altho' we deserve it not. -

Thursday, Nov. 30 - The church spent this afternoon in united prayer to God that he would not return to this place in vengeance, & that the pestilence which has been wasting other places might be restrained. I hope some prayed in faith, for the good effects of one accepted prayer may be experienced by generations yet unborn. - Have spent part of this evening in reading the law of God & calling on his name. The Saviour has appeared infinitely lovely, I thought it would be my delight to be entirely diverted by Him. & could say, I hope sincerely,

"Should earth's vain pleasures all depart,

Of this dear gift possest,

I'd clasp it to my youthful heart,

And be forever blest."

Sunday Dec. 3rd. Have this day experienced much of the goodness of God. Took delight in renewing my Covenant with my Redeemer in private, & felt a sweet composure, at his table. I thought I observed the horrors of despair rather than the rich bounties of his supper. Felt my need of the wedding garment, but saw my Lord perfectly able & willing to clothe me, & hope I yielded myself to him for this purpose. - Five were taken into communion with us, hope they have received the spirit of grace in their hearts. - Bro.S. preached from 73 Psalm, 28 v. It is good for me to draw nigh to God. 1. We draw near to God 1. In meditating on his word & grace. 2 in prayer, 3 in his appointed ordinances, especially the sacramental supper. 2. It is good to draw near to God because 1. God is the supreme good 2. Because it is the way to be delivered from sin. -

Thursday Dec. 7 - This is the day appointed by our Rulers to be set apart for praise & Thanksgiving to the Great author of our mercies. It seems highly proper that we should at the close the year account the goodness of our Father, & "Think on all the way he has led us;" also to repent of our abuse of this mercy & love, & be humbled for our baseness & ingratitude. Br. S. preached from Mal. 1.5-8 Principally from this part "If I am a father, where is mine honour, & if a master, where is my fear"? God is our Father, by our creation, his kindness is manifest by it, for life is a blessing. He is a bountiful parent, by giving us birth in this good, where liberty & equality are the genius of government. He is kind & parental by bestowing upon us such exalted religious privileges, & above all by sending his Holy Spirit to subdue the hard hearts of sinners. He shows himself to be a Father good & gracious by personal favours. "If this saith the Almighty, "I am a Father where is mine honour"? We acknowledge God to be our Master by assembling on this anniversary, "If" then saith he, "I am a master, where is my fear"? Let us, my friends, be careful, lest on this day we bring unto the Lord a lame sacrifice, as did the Jews, whom Mal. reproved in the words of our text. God sees thro' all the splendor & disguise of formality, & has said "cursed be every deceiver," - Feasting is not gratitude, nor levity praise. Let our Thanksgiving be from the heart accompanied with deep humility for and vileness & transgression.

Dec. 27. Am now at Sq. Murdock's Norwich. Came 17th instant. Have not been carful to adorn the doctrine of my Lord Jesus Christ, have not shown to this family that I have been with Christ. I indulged last evening especially too much in laughter & in frivolous conversation. O! How vain are human efforts to live an unexceptionable life! - Have resolved in future to watch my conduct & whenever I am to make a written resolution to avoid a like error. - This, with God's assistance, which I pray him to grant, will enable me to live more to his glory & the honour of my profession. -

Monday, Jan. 1. 1816 - Have been cold & stupid to day. If such be the beginning what must be the close of the year! More disgrace than I have yet brought on religion, must result from such stupidity. O! How guilty it is! How vile a wretch am I to continue thus regardless of my great Master's honour! O! I will be more earnest. I will seek a nearer access to my Saviour, & a better acquaintance with my own heart. - O! For grace to keep my soul alive. Made Res. 2. Resolved to read these every Saturday.

Wednesday Jan. 10 - Went to [can't make out name of town] last Sat. tarried overnight with Class. Adams, with whom I formed an intimate friendship Fresh. year. Our affection increased in strength, & was the source of increasing mutual happiness till the appointments for S.Q. were given. Here the depravity of nature for a time cooled the ardor of friendship, yet the flight of envy left us linked in true affection. - But for months past an unaccountable coldness has been visible. The loss of the friend of my heart was painful indeed, & caused many a mournful hour & a painful sigh. Sat. I sought an explanation of the separation of our hearts. During the reform he was under very serious impressions for some time, - but began to grow stupid about the concerns of his soul. Conversing with him one day, the warmth of my affection got the better of my judgement, & my observations were construed into a desire to break our intimacy. - Reconciliation was sweet to my soul. I again clasped my friend to my heart with feelings which none but they who know them can describe. -

I hope I did not cast a stumbling block before my friend to his ruin. It seems my words were not the mild persuasive language of the gospel of peace, but the hasty effusions of an inconsiderate zeal. May God in mercy pound on this my error, & grant that grace to each of us which will enable us to live in unison while on earth, & prepare to meet & be more closely & lastingly united in the worship of the heavenly hosts. -

Sund, Jan 14th, - Last Sunday attended meeting at Hanover. Mr. Dutton preached from the words, "Knowing the time that it is hightime to wake out of sleep." Every word of the sermon seemed directed to me. - This afternoon Mr. Halpen preached from the same words an excellent discourse. It is high time for me to wake out of my spiritual sleep. I have not enjoyed much of religion since I came to Norwich. My mind has been wandering after the vain things of this world; have been negligent in duty of every kind, & am now filled with worldly mindedness, with pride, & rebellion. O, how long, will thou not return, O my Redeemer, leave me not to complete blindness of heart. -

Monday. Jan. Attended conference last evening on the plain. Mr. W read for subject of conversation 13-16.5 Mat. Had an interesting conference especially to professors. How important that we should let our light so shine that others seeing may glorify God. But how careless are we on this point. I am very guilty indeed, yet I do not feel it. How disagreeable is a cold Christian. - I must exclaim O! That I were as in day & past - Humble yourself before the Lord & he will lift you up. O! For grace to humble myself before him I have so much offended. ---- Rev. -----

Thursday, Feb. 16. - O, who shall deliver me from the body of this sin" - Coldness, stupidity, & willful sinning destroy my soul, & had me captive at Satan's will. The sin which most easily besets me how nearly conquered. O, Redeemer, how can I look to thee whom I thus daily put to shame. Dwell in me & sanctify me, & expel sin from my heart & make me in every respect as I should be ----

Feb. 28th 1816. - Have just yielded to the sin which most easily besets me, how often do I crucify my Saviour afresh. - O is this love? Have mercy O my God & deliver me, thou alone can help. Take this heart I pray, O make me willing & desirous to be delivered from the dominion of sin, give no slumber to my eyes till I repent in sincerity, & renew in me a right mind & create a clean heart. Give me not up to my heart beats, but it would be just should it leave to despair forever. O look upon Jesus for his sake have compassion wash me from every pollution in his blood of life. -

Oct. 12" 1816. Here I learn from my own experience what perhaps every Christian has learnt. The extreme aptness of all to lean upon their own works. O after sin to recede to forms of prayer & to repentance, & tears, & resolutions instead of turning to the blood of Christ as the only thing, which can obtain pardon & remission -

March 31. Mr. Shurtleff preaches on Prov. 28" - 13. "He that covereth his sins shall not prosper; but he that confesses & forsakes them shall find mercy." This morning on first clause. -

1. How we may cover our sins. 2. Why whose who do shall not prosper. 1. Many cover their sins, or sooth their consciences in their practice, by endeavouring to believe there is no God. - Many cover their sins, & find an excuse for them in the true doctrines of the Bible, saying they are depraved & sinful & cannot but sin till they are renewed by the Spirit of God - but such never really believe the doctrine, they only seek a plea for remaining in sin. Many cover their sins by moral conduct & duties & public appearance, thinking that such an exalted being as God would never notice the secret actions of men. - Many cover their sins by public example. Howmuchsoever they may fall short of divine requirement, they are always instead of judging of the power of religion by the sure interior the word of God is the unblemished life of its divine author, take for a test the conduct of those who in this degenerate age profess to be his friends. - 2. They who cover their sins cannot prosper because in the great day of judgement every secret thing shall be disclosed, & all workers of inequity shall pass into the place where is weeping & gnashing of teeth continually. Sure when they who cover their sins cannot greatly prosper. - Added in improvement, acquaint them thyself with God & be at peace with him where by good shall come unto thy soul. -

M. on the last clause. 1. What is meant by Confession 2. The reasonableness of it. 3. The profit resulting from it. 1. Confession of sins implies an acquaintance with the perfection of God, a conviction that his law is holy, just & good, a proper sense of having transgressed this law, & an abhorrence of so doing. - No other confession will cause us to forsake sin, & that alone is true confession which causes to have an iniquities. - 2. If we have transgressed a holy, just, & good law, nothing is more reasonable than to confess it. & no man liveth & sinneth not. 3. "He that confesseth & forsaketh his sins shall find mercy." This is none other than the mercy of God; that rich mercy which flows thro' the suffering & merits of Christ to us, & is to be found thro' confession & forsaking of sins. - Infer the great danger of those who do not confess & forsake their sins & the great mercy of God. -

O, how frequently have I covered my sins, even under prayers, tears, promises, denials. But it will avail nothing God shall disclose every secret & hidden thing. - O, Redeemer assist me to confess with sincerity & godly sorrow the names and sins of my life, O may I forsake them with abhorrence, & cleave into thy righteousness as my only hope. -

A sermon was read this evening on the words, "The righteous is more excellent that his neighbour." Made distinction between the true Christian & all others. -

1, The Christian does not allow himself in sin, others do.

2. He places no happiness in sin, others do. He may occasionally fall under temptation, but never loved sin.

3. His habits are holy. 4. He sincerely repents whenever he sins. 5. [two inches of blank space]

6. He earnestly seeks assistance from God to avoid future error & transgression.

Sunday, April 21st. How vain are all my resolutions! Not one do I perform unless for grace assist. Notwithstanding my written determinations to avoid levity - I have indulged it lately more than ever. I am guilty every day of that foolish jesting which the apostle reproved. Tis this which keeps me far from God, makes so cold so regardless of his honour, so little & slight in religious duties. - Pres. B. preached to day on the text. "The young men exhort to be soberminded." Titus The discourse was excellent in itself & admirable adapted tot he circumstances of the students. There is quite too much levity among them, too great a disposition to jest & trifle when in company. I hope it may have a good effect. I am resolved it shall on myself. Yes, I will despair of resolution, tho' I am so prone to neglect them, I will not despair of destroying my levity & become sober in all things. The grace of God is sufficient. To be sober minded, I must think soberly, for it must proceed from the mind & be unaffected & sincere. - To think soberly I must have an abiding sense of the all presence of God, of my accountability to Him, & a continual fear of displeasing him who is perfect in holiness. This then must be my prayer to feel the presence of God, to be under the continual direction of the Holy Spirit, which alone can make sober minded.

Sunday, May 2th.. Dr. Burton preached to day on Son. Sol. 2. 10-13 - Shew the similarity between winter & the sinner. The cold hardens the water & renders the earth barren & gloomy. Sin hardens the heart of the sinner, & renders it unfruitful. - The similarity of spring to a sinner awakened & converted, in Spring the earth is clothed with verdure, the birds begin to tune their tender notes, the husband - man sows his seed; the converted sinner begins to show the fruits of the spirit, to praise the name of the Lord, & sow for a harvest in eternity. - "Arise etc." is addressed by the Saviour to his professing people. He made an earnest, touching appeal to the impenitent - The Lord in mercy grant affect. - Then called on professors to live above the world, to have their lamps trimmed & burning waiting for the comings of the Lord.

Do I hear this voice of my Saviour calling me to Arise & come away? Do I obey - No, I yet linger on the bed of sloth - Alas, how cold & dull & stupid, - how little does my light shine. - O that I might see my vileness in forgetting my Redeemer, - that I might feel my first love, & do my first works. - Have been very negligent of duty lately, especially the last week. - I pray God to grant me his spirit to humble my heart, to guide me henceforth, to deliver me from evil speakings, so curb my tongue, & clothe me with Christian meekness., love & charity. - O, that I may know myself, give up my soul & body for time & eternity to my God & King. Thou, knowest the thoughts & intents of my heart. - If I have desired to injure any, O pardon & deliver me from such & all sins, thro' Christy my Redeemer. -

Sunday, June 16 - This morning nature calls upon man to join her in praise to his & her authour. - How pleasant is it once more to enjoy the sabbath of the Lord, but is it truly peasant to me? Do I really account it the holy of the Lord & honourable? Do I really rejoice to be permitted to lay aside again the business of the world & meditate on the things of heaven? Yes, it is pleasant & much so desired. But why am I not as in months past? Why have I forgotten my first love? Why neglected to my first works? - I do indeed attend meetings, read the Bible, & pray. - but neither circumcision availeth any thing in Christ nor circumcision, but a new creature. Am I a new creature? Do I differ in life from the unbelieving world? Am I not pursuing the same ends, using the same means, pleased with the same objects? If so, wherein do I differ? - O my Saviour suffer me not to backslide from thee, may my hope be such as to lead in the path of righteousness, may I not return to the beggardly elements to be entangled with this world, & may I have full purpose of heart to live more comfortably to thy example & requirement, & be supported by grace & washed from all pollution, & be always ready waiting for the coming of the Lord. -

Sunday July 15 or Prof. S. preached to day. - "His morning text, The Lord hath separated the godly for himself" - In improving the subject inferred the duty of Christians. They should conduct as set apart for God, as separated from sin, & live above the world showing that they possess something which the world does not. - Very little in my life marked by such appearance, I find myself to be passionate not wrathful or malicious but too easily agitated, to much affected by surrounding circumstances, to little professing myself, - having too much regard for men's opinions, seeking too much, earthly distinctions, forgetting to do whatever I do to the glory of God. - Daily sensible of my sins yet little turning from them unto the Lord - I have abundant proof by experience of the vileness of my heart, & of my inability to establish a righteousness of my own, & the religion of Christ is a rational, determined persevering endeavour after holiness, - true religion is not merely a momentary effusion of warmth & zeal & love, as it is called, - it is an abiding principle of submission to God, not just for his law, & hatred of sin, - it causes a soft fearful walk before God, a cautious diligence to do his will., This principle, I will seek, & thro' the grace that is in Christ hope to obtain, O, may the coming week prove my sincerity by the carefulness & humility of my walk during it. -

Sunday Aug. This day year, I joined myself to the visible church of God. Has my intermediate experience been such as can afford any ground of hope, that God did then "set me apart for himself" I have indeed spent a sinful year, little engagedness in the service of Christ, much under the dominion of sin. But a dislike of sin, a new wholly intermitted exertion to escape its sway, the successful resistance, thro' the grade of God, of some temptations, & a share of victory over known besetting sins, encourage one in the hope of having an interest in that Saviour, by whose strength alone this could be done. With this ground for trusting to the hope I have indulged, an unwillingness to rest in any present attainments, if indeed any are made, & a desire to advance in conformity to Him who is perfect in holiness, & a joy in the consideration that I am under the unalterable direction of God. I feel some confidence in approaching the Lord's table. But how deceitful is my heart! My Lord alone knows it, he alone can give me the wedding garment. O! Prepare me for thy solemn feast. -

2nd JournalSept. 29th 1816

I am again restored to the privileges of College. The superior advantages which I enjoy & have long enjoyed are the free gift of God. Of their value I have in some measure been made sensible by a temporary privation. My prayer unto God now is that I may feel my obligations to him an account of these privileges, that I may henceforth suitably improve them & grow in the knowledge of God, while advancing in human science. I desire to be delivered from the vanity of knowledge, to realize the vanishing nature of earthly things, to be purified wholly, & washed from the pollution of pride, ambition, unbelief, & every kind of sin.

I have lately been guilty of much spiritual pride. - Numerous benefits have flown to me from the supposition of my piety, since I professed the name of Christ - This has been a great temptation, & I fear has much injured my spiritual state. By leading my thoughts to then trifling benefits, the great adversary of my soul has endeavoured, & alas! too well succeeded, to draw me from the contemplation of the glories of the cross - to direct my attention to those advantages of religion, which may gained by formality & hypocrisy - & blind me to the far greater blessings which result from contriteness of heart, & holiness of life & thus finally cheat my soul of its hope - My only hope of deliverance is in the Lord He is my strength & my Redeemer.

I have this day enjoyed the privileges of God & have been permitted to worship in his sanctuary. - Dr. McFarland preached. Forenoon from Luke 23.53 Infered from the text - Christ has a kingdom. - The sovereignty of God in the operations of his grace - The duty of using the means of grace with all sinners till their death - yet there is no hope to them who willfully defer repentance. Afternoon from Gal. 6.7 - God is the constitution of things natural & moral, has established an immutable connexion between means & ends - Because this connexion cannot be altered God is not mocked - & man need never be deceived, for without holiness no man can see the Lord ----

We are every day doing something which is to have a lasting effect on our character. The end, will follow the mean. What manner of persons etc.

Oct. 6th 1816 - President Brown preached two most excellent sermons. In forenoon from "This do in remembrance of me." it being communion day with us. Christ is wont to be remembered, on account of the excellency of his character, being without blemish and spotless, & an amount of the dignity of his nature being God manifest in the flesh - for His friendship to mankind, the sacrifices he made, & the benefits he purchased for them. Inferred that no person can be a friend to Christ or ful grateful for the favours he has done him, who neglects to remember him in the ordinance of the supper, or d-o- has no anxious desire of preparation for this duty - that believers should remember & esteem Jesus above their chief delight. In the administration of the ordinance appeared solemn, his language reached my heart, so did his words in the presentation of the elements seem to come from the Saviour himself. To no Christian, to whom I am no more, nearly connected, have I felt so great a love as to him. Sometimes after conclusion of chapel exercises I have wished to clasp him in my arms. -

Afternoon from Matthew. 8.11-12 - The present civilized world heard the same relation to the heathen, that the ancient Jewish did to the Gentile. Showed that many are already coming from the east & the west & joining themselves to the kingdom of heaven, referred to the success of missionaries in all quarters of the globe. - In a general signification of the psalm, all are the children of the kingdom, who enjoy gospel privileges. But many of these disbelieve the revelation of God, & openly endeavour to disseminate their principles, & certainly must be cast into outer darkness. And others if not speculatively, practically deny its divine origin & title to authority by disobeying its commands, & disregarding its prohibitions, whose faith cannot avail any thing to justification.

Those who are dedicated to God by baptism are more eminently the children of the kingdom. Yet many of these evidently live without God in the world finding not in their hearts to join themselves to him by an act of their own.

Public professors of religion still more properly are the children of the kingdom. But not every one that saith Lord, Lord shall enter into the kingdom of heaven. Scripture & observation seem to show that not all Christians in appearance are so in heart, & it is highly probably that in every particular church there are unsound professors. - This in application will reach every one of course in a land of gospel light. He seemed rightly to divide the word. May the God who knows my heart show me the truth respecting myself, & make me careful not only to say "Lord," but to do his wish. -

Nov. 23: Dr. Price in his chapter on the degrees of virtue & vice & the essentials of a good character, justly says, "With whatever ardour a person may apply himself to the practice of some branches of virtue which happen not to lie very cross to his inclination & temper, if he performed not every duty or part of right conduct, he is not to be reckoned his faithful notary, his heart is at bottom false too her interests & authority. Were not this the case he would not in any instance desert her, he would not prefer to her the indulgence of any desire or resign her for any enjoyments. Luck is her dignity & amiableness, that every thing is sordid & contemptible compared with her, such is her nature that she can admit of no rival. He then loves her not at all, who loves her not first. - A partial regard to rectitude is inconsistent & absurd. That attachment to it alone is genuine which has itself merely, its own native obligation & excellence for its object & end & is unadulterated by the mixture of any foreign & indirect emotions. - And such an attachment will necessarily be directed to all the facts & instances of it alike. What comes short of this is incomplete, unsatisfactory, variable, & capricious. Be then consistently & thoroughly good, if you would be so effectually. Yield yourself entirely & universally to the government of conscience, conquer weary adverse inclination, or lay no claim to virtue, & entertain no hope of the happiness in reserve for it." -

Nov. 24. Prof. S. preached this morning from James 4.9. Doctrine the impenitent have much more reason to sorrow & mourn, than to laugh & be joyful. Because 1. They are in their sins, 2. They are under condemnation, 3. Death & judgement are appointed unto all. - this afternoon from Luke 10.42. - The one thing needful, is not, riches, honour, literature, health, long life, nor success in the pursuit of earthly pleasures - but Jesus Christ as the portion of the soul, the way of life, the hope of salvation, & sanctification. This which is true thing religion with nothing else will make its possessor completely happy. Every thing else without this, will leave him in misery. -

Part of this sabbath I have enjoyed a spiritual frame, but have had wandering & wicked thoughts, a great portion of this time. I have been very negligent in self examination, & of consequence am very deficient in self knowledge & self government. Have just been reading Mason's excellent book. My prayer unto God now is that he would discover my deceitful heart unto me, strengthen my resolution to pursue with attention, & afford me grace to acquire that best of all knowledge, the knowledge of himself. -

Dec. 1 The President preached from Psalm 65. Blessed is he whom thou choosest & causest to approach unto thee. - From this is learnt that God chooses some of the sinful races of man to salvation - that he causes them also to believe by an effectual inward calling, without which their election would prove vain - & that these are blessed, proposed to show the grounds of their blessedness - In the first place, those whom God causes to approach unto himself are especially & principally blessed by the discovery, contemplation & admiration of the perfection of God, as they are manifested in his works & overruling providence, as they are exhibited in his word, & especially as they are represented in the Saviour who is the likeness of his father, & the express image of his person. 2. They are blessed in the exercise of ascribing praise to his name. 3. Are blessed also in his service. - Finally have the blessing of justification & all that accompany it or flow from it, sanctification, growth in grace, peace of conscience, joy in the Holy Ghost, comfort in death, final solution & participation of the glories of heaven thro' eternity. Of the blessedness of the saints in heaven, he spoke with such feeling & energy that it could hardly fail to excite the desires of the most stupid. - Inferred saints are greatly obligated to Christ since thro' him flows all the the [sic] blessedness of their present & future state. - Closed by requesting each to inquire of himself whether he seeks this blessedness, or can obtain so great from any source but from God. - Our church communed in the ordinance of supper. Prof. S. administered. I did not feel that confidence in drawing near to God which I sometimes do. - This is consequence of that indulgence of sin which is my guilt & my shame before God, - feeling something of my sinfulness & unworthiness. I think I committed myself to him, who alone can give assistance, & repentance & faith, & found this approach blessed. - O that the Lord would no more suffer me to depart out of his presence. -

Jan [one inch blank space] Prof. T preached to day from the words. "Christ [some Greek language symbols]-- In morning showed the nature extent & design of the divine law. For its nature it holy, just & good, in extent it not only embraces us under its control the eternal actions of the whole world but also the thoughts & intents of the heart - its design was to exhibit the character of God which might clearly discovered in his law, were nothing expressly revealed concerning it. - but another object in the promulgation of the divine law was to preserve man in a state of holiness & enable him by performance of all duty to merit a reward even a crown of incorruptible glory from his Almighty Creator. But man no man has kept this all have transgressed & come short of the glory of God, so the reward is lost, the crown is fallen, & not only this but a curse is denounced - But blessed be God Judgement is his strange work, he has had compassion, & Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to all that believe. Will God deliver me from the curse of the law by producing within me fath & love unfeigned. I am neither hot nor cold, how ought I then to pray & repent, that my Saviour spare me not out of his mouth. Afternoon showed what Christ's [four lines of Greek symbols]

Feb. 6th 1817. O, my soul where art thou wandering. After this long & shameful neglect of duty, how painful the summons that calls me to the bar of conscience, - how much more painful then the summons to the tribunal of heaven!

O, my Saviour, when in this retirement I promised thee the service of my heart & life how little did I know myself like Mazael of old, had a friend foretold my conduct, I had indignantly replied "To thy servant a dog that he should do this" - But alas the sequel has proved my vileness. And I acknowledge thy just dear Redeemer in withholding they face - but still I do not feel as I ought - how little concerned am I at the loss of thy favor, how little anxious for its restoration - O suffer me not, for thy mercy's sake suffer not to remain in this alarming stupidity - how detestable I am, instead of delighting as formerly to hear thy name, how do I fear hesitate, tumble, blush at the sound, sad certain proof of my wicked declensions. And why is it - thou hast continued & even increased my enjoyment, thou has indulged me with the means of grace, & sent thy Holy Spirit to influence my heart & will - but still, O vile ingratitude, I have forsaken the path of thy testimonies. - O turn me & I shall be turned, draw & I shall run after thee. ----

March 9th 1817 Pres. Brown preached to day with his usual force & perspicuity. Considering truth of sufficient weight itself he seldom has recourse to producing conviction to the common helps of gaudy rhetoric or artificial gesture. - Founded this day's discourse on Luke 2.49 [3 inches of Greek symbols] His object was to exhibit in its different lights & various relations the object of Christ's omission to the world. 1. He came to honour & confirm the law of his father. At the time of his advent the depositories of this divine law entertained the erroneous & dangerous opinion, & fully credited it by their practice, that its precepts respected merely external arts & the formalities of the temple. Christ vindicated its honour by showing in the clearest manner that it not only prohibited not actual crimes but forbid every irregular desire by teaching that it required the visible discharge of the duties of worship, & the outward practice of virtue, but demanded the service of the heart & truth in the inward facts. And most especially did he honour by the perfect conformity of his life to its direction. Engaged in the most arduous undertaking that ever employed the powers of man, obliged in the prosecution of it to encounter, the great difficulties beset in every period of his life with the most powerful temptations & compelled continually to defend himself against principalities & spiritual sinfulness in high places he never once swerved from the path of holiness nor were his most watchful enemies occasion of the least reproach. - He confirmed the divine law by enforcing in his instructions the doctrine which the law inculcated of final judgement & retribution. He especially refirmed by exhibiting in his suffering that hatred of God to sin which his law expresses, & by proving from the pais which the mere imputation of it cost that sin does deserve & will inevitable received the punishment the law denounced. 2. Christ came to open a way of restoration for men to the father's favour. It appears from scripture that no greater atonement was necessary for the salvation of the whole world than that made by Christ. Hence God may just & at the same time justify every one that believeth, & may still in sincerity, call upon all to come & take of the waters of life. Yet Christ had a people given him from the foundation of the world & so given that it was certain they would be saved. Of these is it said my people shall be willing in the day, of my power. 3. He came to overthrow the kingdom & defeat the designs of Satan. Satan was the great adversary of God & man. By his delusion he had withdrawn man from his allegiance & brought him unto bondage to himself. Filled with malice against God & bent on the destruction of the creatures he had placed on earth, he continued to increase the torments & misery of the latter & to lay up wrath against the day of wrath of the former. At the time of the Saviour's appearance he gone so far in his schemes of iniquity & presumption as to employ his ministers in possessing the persons of men. Christ made his first attack upon this adversary in those instances of dispossession mentioned in the N.T. He by the power of God forced them from the strong holds they had taken & drove them inglorious to the dungeon whence they had stole. The death of Christ, which Satan encouraged at obstruction in the pursuit of his hellish designs, with a success fated to himself achieved, was the very event which fully accomplished this great object. Altho' Satan still has power in the earth it the power of a conquered person which cannot go beyond the prescribed limits of the conqueror. The history of the church satisfactorily shows that the power of Satan is destroyed. And now the missionary angel is gone forth having the everlasting gospel to preach unto all who dwell upon the earth. There is reason then to expect soon the time when he shall be bound for a thousand years. -

4. Christ came according to his answer to Pilate "to bear witness, to the truth." When the Saviour came into the world error was universally prevalent both among Jews & Gentiles. The former were filled with superstitions & ceremonies. The latter worshipped Gods of their own imaginations. Christ taught the true religion. He exposed alike the idolatry of the Gentiles & the ostentatious hypocrisy of the Jews. He established the worship of the one living God & erected that kingdom which righteousness peace & joy in the Holy Ghost. But particularly he bore witness to the truth in the gospel committed to mortals by himself & his apostles. This is the truth thro' which the saints are sanctified by the Spirit.

4. [sic] He came to glorify his father. "I have glorified thee." In a comprehenview, the glory of God was the only end of his mission & indeed the others mentioned were such only in subordination to this. To glory of God all things are tending & this they ultimately promote. The coming of Christ glorified God as it illustrated his justice truth & mercy.

God had shown his justice before in expelling the rebel angels, destroying the wicked inhabitants of the earth &etc., but never hast such an exhibition been made as was in the suffering & death of Jesus. This also showed his truth in that it fulfilled his promise & proved that he would punish sin. The attribute of mercy had never before been manifested it is only in the redemption by Christ that this is illustrated. Here the apparently inconsistent attributes of God are exhibited in the fullest harmony. Surely the advent of Christ glorified God. Reflection 1st Altho' it relates principally to man, the angels are made happier by the work of Christ. Because it make known a new trait in the character of him whom the continually serve as the source of their felicity. 2. Sin is shown to be an infinite evil from the unspeakable pains which God inflicted upon his dearly beloved son merely for the imputation of it. 3. The considerations that all may be served & that great guilt & aggravated punishment must be incurred by neglecting what Christ has so much labour to obtain for us should be motives to incite all to appropriate the benefits of this work. - May the institutions of this day, be blessed of God unto my soul, & I enabled to carry much of this Sabbath into the week. The Officers of the University have held meeting to day in Chapel. It is somewhere forgotten that we must all be saved by the same Saviour & sanctified by the same Spirit.

March 16th.. I bless God for the mercies of this day. When most I deserve the absence of his face he is sometimes graciously pleased to smile. O that he would continue his goodness & teach me my duty, show me the vileness of my heart & cause me to feel something of my redeemer's love. If salvation depended on myself either my prayers of my performances I should indeed despair. But praised be his name we are saved by grace & that not of ourselves it is the gift of God. Have just read Cowper's Memoir of himself. The general opinion that his religion was the cause of that mental malady, which endured so many years of his life is known to himself & useless to others appeared to be inaccurate. Religion was in fact its remedy in some degree. Prof. L. preached a sermon somewhat novel on Economy. I [3 inches of Greek symbols] ----

Prof. S. preached from the text "Be not overcome of evil but overcome evil with good." Christians are in danger of being overcome by their natural law of ease and present gratification - by the presence of outward calamities - by the influence of example - by the reproaches of the world. They may overcome evil with good by prayers & holy exertions - by confessing personal benefits on enemies - by leading such unexceptionable lives that the evil shall be found to give glory to God. March 23 1817 ----

April 12th .. Prof S. preached from Tesh. 9.12. [2 inches of Greek symbols] Showed in forenoon how all mankind are prisoners, condemned by God's law & bound over for execution - in afternoon, that the atonement Christ has made us prisoners of hope, - what is meant by the strong hold & by turning unto it. - Reviewing the pat week, I have reason to thank God for his restraining grace. I think he has enabled me to maintain a more sober & equable walk. My prayer unto him now is, search me, O Lord & try me, keep back thy servant from presumptuous sins, & shame me from secret faults. I have had some new exercises of mind, O that the spirit may come with power & efficacy upon my heart. I have indeed provoked thee to depart, but O do not leave me nor forsake me. - I entertain some hope that my dear friend does not wholly let go concerns for his soul. O may it soon be the day. 1 inch Greek symbols]

Sunday April Mr Noble from Chelsea preached to day. This afternoon from the text am I your enemy because I have told you the truth. Many truths of the Scripture are offensive to men, and the ministers of the gospel who preach these truths are denounced as enemies, particularised, the divinity of the scriptures, that of total depravity, eternal punishment of the impenitent, & absolute sovereignty. The reason is the pride of the human heart & the tendency of these doctrines to make the situation of the sinner uneasy.

April. Pres. Brown preached to day with his characteristic impressioness. His text Malachi 1.8 [2 lines Greek symbols] It is our duty to offer our best unto the Lord. 1. It is our duty to offer unto him to devote to his service the best portion of our life, the days of our youth. Young persons are apt to think it unreasonable to require them to be devoted to the Lord. They wish to employ this time for themselves to walk in the ways of their own hearts, & the light of their own eyes to cheer themselves in the pleasures of youth & enjoy the days of sprightliness & warmth Religion they think a gloomy thing & its exercises dull employment, fitted only for the old or the feeble, & when they become such it will be time enough to engage in religion. Thus having spent the vigour & prime of life in pleasurable sin they would give its shattered useless remains to God. This surely would be offering the lame & the blind sacrifices. - 2. It is our duty to devote to God the best portion of every day. We should be inflamed by the fear of God all the day long; but the best portion of ever day should be employed in prayer & meditation. The best portion is that certainly when the mind is most vigourous & free from distraction. Business ought never to be allowed to interfere & throw prayer into the background, nor should this duty be performed at the late hour when drowsiness hangs heavy upon us. For then certainly we can offer only the lame & blind sacrifice, indeed it will be dead sacrifice offered without faith or the spirit of supplication. We should select for this all important duty those portions of the day when was can give ourselves most wholly to the feelings of devotion. That some portion should be devoted to prayer need not be argued, he that gives up prayer gives up his salvation. 3. It is our duty to give our property to God by making the best use of it. Whatever we have more than sufficient to support our families should be devoted to religious & charitable purposes - It should not be horded up, because the whole value of money consists in use.

It may not be the duty of those who have large possessions to dissipate by charitable distribution; they ought rather to improve them to the best advantage, & appropriate the avails to charity, by which means much greater good can be effected. But to labour greatly for perishable riches, & to devote a trifling proportion of our gain to the use of our master, is like bringing an unsound sacrifice, it deserves the fate, as it bears resemblance to the character of Ananias. - As wealth can accomplish more than any other blessing of earthly nature we enjoy it is the duty of every Christian to be diligent & frugal, to accumulate that by which they may so eminently assist their fellow men, & advance the interest of the Redeemer's kingdom. 4. It is the duty of us all to devote to God our best talents. God will preserve his church, the gates of hell shall not prevail against it, but he employs means. It is our duty then make all possible exertions, to prepare ourselves by meditation & reading the word to resist the attacks of the infidel & the scoffer. This is eminently incumbent on the ministers of the gospels, but all Christians are under its obligation. 5. It is our duty to give God our best affection. My son, he saith, give me thine heart. Whatever else we may do, unless we place the desire of our hearts upon God, we are none of his. - - God requires us to devote him the best of our affections, of our talents, our property, the best portion of our life, & of every day. And does he not deserve it - we owe it by the double obligation of gratitude & justice - of gratitude for he has given us his best even his dearly beloved son to be a ransom for our souls. Of justice for we have forfeited all that we have - but do we thus devote our best unto God.

Newcastle, Nov. 9. - Mr. Bayley preached very solemnly, from John 8.24. For if ye believe not that I am he ye shall die in your sins. Our Saviour thus addressed the Jews, who refused to accept him as the Messiah. They disliked the unassuming appearance, the contemptible worldly open door, the ignoble birth & above all the humbling doctrines of this prophet & therefore rejected his authority. Yet he boldly said to them unless ye believe that I am he ye shall die in your sins. The same is also declared unto us & unless we believe we also must perish. Showed what is implied in believing so. 1. A realizing sense of need of help. We can have no real saving faith in Christ until we have this.

I was interrupted in writing here, & do not now recollect sufficiently to write. Now can I give account of the excellent sermon of this morning.

30. Mr. Mitchell of Waldoborough preached. In morning from the words, He was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief &etc. Illustrated the text from the life of the Savour, & then improved by the following inferences -

1st The subject affords consolation to the afflicted & mourning Christ was a man of sorrows, & has feeling for all his creatures who are in affliction, & those especially who mourn for their sins & grieve & vex their souls for their transgressions & unholy lives have ground of comfort in the truth that their Saviour was acquainted with grief. - - 2d - teaches the depravity of the human heart. Jesus was innocent, unoffending, & went about doing good. After labouring whole days to instruct the poor & heal the sick he spent whole nights in prayer to God for their souls. Yet the very men for whom he did this crucified him on the cross. "As face answereth to face in the water so the heart of man to man." Every individual has by nature the same principles within his own breast that instigated the Jews to murder the Saviour. & every impenitent sinner in the world therefore had he been at Calvary on the fatal day would have cryed with the rabble Crucify him, Crucify him. 3. - Shows the great evil of sin. Why did Christ the only begotten & beloved son of the Father endure those complicated sufferings? Why was he on without a place in which to lay his head. Why did he sweat great drops of blood in Gethsemane & why so sorrowful even unto death, why in short was left to exclaim, "Loma Loma Sabaithani. Sin, Sin, wrought all this misery, & brought all this anguish even on the son of the most high God. What woe then must await the soul that retains its burdens of sin till it enters the eternal world.

4. - exhibits in lively colour the compassion of the Saviour. He perfectly knew all that would befall in this world, he foresaw all the sufferings he must undergo, the inglorious birth in the manger, the contemptible occupation of his youth, the prosecution & trials of his manhood, & especially, the ignominious death of a malefactor, - yet compassion for perishing sinners induced cheerfully to meet them all, & his love for the wicked perpetrators of the crime that deprived him of life itself was so great that he prayed with fervency "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

Dec. 28th.. Mr. Bayly preached from the works, be ye doers of the word & not hearers only deceiving your own selves. - Many people think that ministers preach doctrines too much, & dwell too little on the duties of life. James cannot be called such a preacher, he directly calls upon us to do the commands as well as hear the doctrines of the Bible. It is our duty to be both hearers & doers of the words, hearers because the preaching of the gospel is a means of grace appointed of God, doers of the word because otherwise we make the gospel of none effect, we render precepts in vain to ourselves, & also because otherwise we disregard thereof all eminent saints & of the Saviour himself. - - -

Jan. 4 - 1818. My Bayley preached in morning on Matth, be sober, for your Adversary the devil, as a roaring lion goeth about, seeking whom he may devour - 1 Showed there is such a being as the Devil. - 2. He is a crafty & powerful adversary of met. It is our duty to watch against his snares & to be continually on our guard. - He drew a number of important inferences of which [1 inch Greek symbols] they [1 inch Greek symbols] as the Devil [1 inch Greek symbols] Bible [2 inches Greek symbols] reason he will [1 inch Greek symbols] human [1 inch Greek symbols] our duty to commit ourselves to Christ.

11. Mr. Weston a clergyman preaching in Boothbay a neighboring town, gave a discourse on Matt. 23.13. - In every age, since there have been characters of the same kind as those of the persons the Savior thus addressed Multitudes then in fact, who will not enter the kingdom of Heaven themselves, & who hinder those that would, That many will not enter themselves, the Saviour has declared, "Broad is the way that leadeth to death, & many there are that walk therein." Men are wise in their temporal matters, prudence is a common characteristic all are on the watch to catch any good - but the probabilities of eternity never influence their conduct - those are to be considered after this or that, earthly interest is secured, or when attention cannot for sickness or some accident be devoted to the worldly pursuits. Thus many neglect to enter here, & are forever shut out hereafter. - But the mischief stays not here. Others are also excluded by their means. - The scoffing & reviling sinner knowingly & willingly hinders his companions & associates from entering the kingdom of heaven. If one of his friends begins to be alarmed for the welfare of his soul, he ridicules religion, the Bible, & Christians, accuses his companion of cowardice & want of spirit, these qualms of conscience answer very well for silly women but ill become the man of spirit. Hell is nothing but a bugbear of the superstitious, & none need fear the Devil, but they who are credulous enough to believe his existence. Thus he shuts up heaven to his poor deluded companion. - The nearest & dearest relatives also often hinder each other from entering the kingdom of heaven. Very often the wife finds, in her partner her greatest spiritual foe. Often also do children their parents. Cruel parents, who do not indeed like the ancient heathen cause their offspring to pass thro' the fire to Molock, but plunge them into everlasting burning. Brothers & sisters also are immediately spiritual enemies if one of their number begin to seek that "friend who sticketh closer than a brother." Thus in many melancholy instances relative murder each other in most awful sense. - Those, who have felt serious impressions but have returned to the beggarly elements besides refusing to enter themselves are guilty of hindering others. They bring up an evil report, which is most fatally calculated to stop the progress of those who are travelling heavenward. Such persons loudly proclaim that the fruit of the land is not good - its inhabitants are the sons of giants, it has no milk or honey. Turn aside, why will you go up? - Professors of religion are also guilt of hindering others. When they conform to the world, they lead all about them to conclude there is no radical difference between Christians & themselves. They perhaps differ in a few nonessentials but in the main agree, & are equally safe. - Especially when professors publicly & grossly stumble, do they shut souls from heaven. If such high pretensions result in this, they are in every case illusions in there the natural inference all will draw. - Minsters also, alas! Too often, shut up against men the very road they pretend to point out. Their example preaches more loudly & is far more easily understood & obeyed than their sermons. If this then be not most unexceptionable, they hinder their salvation of their flock. - Some, must it be said, when any of the immortals for whom they have engaged to watch, with broken hearts, complain of the burden of their sins, direct them to cast off their gloomy thoughts by the innocent amusements of life, by travel, or company, or any diversion that can charm them. - An application to each of the characters mentioned in illustrating the text.

Feb. 21. Mr Bayley this afternoon preached from the text - "Ye will not come unto me that ye may have life." In introduction spoke of the conduct of the Jews towards the Saviour, remarked that the conduct of all impenitent sinners towards him is the same. Proceeded more particularly to show, there is life in Christ - impenitent sinners will not come to him. - Made the inferences. - Those who will not come to Christ must die. - impenitent sinners are without excuse. - They who pretend that their unwillingness is not the only reason sinners do not come to Christ have never been subject of genuine conviction. - the heart must be very depraved -- it is very deceitful, for many sinners believe they are willing to come to Christ, yet do not come. - there is no self determining power in man - nothing but the irresistible grace of God can bring sinners to Christ. -

Oct. 12. After spending part of this afternoon in foolish conversation, devoted the evening to conference. By request made the opening prayer, & was as spiritual in any frame as could be hoped from the circumstances mentioned. Yet how in the exercise did my heart think of human observation more than of that scrutiny of the inward parts which is the prerogative of God. The subject discussed was, "What do we more than others"? There is great reason for all who have been named the name of Christ seriously to put this question to themselves. For already have they by forsaking the law begun to praise the wicked, & the enemies' reproach is upon us, "where now is your God"? I certainly am involved in this general delusion. I certainly have departed from my first love, & forgotten my first works. Pride & unbelief, & criminal negligence, & wicked inattentiveness in the performance of duty are my abounding sins. - O that grace may much more abound & that He in whose hand are the hearts of all would especially turn me unto himself, renew me into a lively rope, & cause me to be diligent in making any calling & election sure. -

3. Prof. Shurtleff, on account of the weakness of his eyes having been unable to prepare written sermons, spoke without notes, & quite as well as usual. In forenoon, from Psalm 37. Delight thyself in the Lord, & he shall fulfill the desires of thine heart. Shewed what is implied by delighting in the Lord, & how he will grant all the wishes of his people. This afternoon from, "Be reconciled with thine adversary, quickly, while he is in the way with the." First God is the adversary of the wicked, Secondly, he will be reconciled unto, & pardon them, but thirdly, the sinner must seek pardon immediately. He powerfully called upon all to turn unto the Lord, & forcibly appealed unto the consciences of the hearers. It is not unfrequently happens, that such unstudied effusions are blessed as the means of reviving grace, while the laboured production depending on its own merits, falls feebly upon the heart. May the power of the Holy Ghost accompany it & cause its fruit to be abundant to the joy of his people & particularly do I pray that its power may be felt by that friend whom I love, but cannot address by the name of brother in the Lord. O that my Saviour would enable me by precept & example to recommend unto him the religion of the gospel, better than I hitherto have done, suffer me not to be rather a stumbling block to his soul. - Evening attended conference. Prof. Adams read a sermon on the text "I am the Lord, I change not. Spoke of the nature of unchangeableness in its, & its effects on these classes of persons, the careless & impenitent should themselves at their situation & danger.

The inquiring should derive confidence to approach the Sanctifier of hearts who hath begun a good work, & true Christians find great consolation in the belief of the unchanging perseverance of God in building up Jerusalem.

Oct. 15 . Have read in the Repository, a life of Michael Servetus. The writer evidently manifested prejudice against Calvin & partiality of Servetus. From this memoir I have no very clear knowledge of the merits of dispute between these reformers. They both seem to biggotted & illiberal & Calvin certainly departs from the characgter of a Christian, & degreaded the simplicity of the ministerial office he mentioned by pursihng with much rancour, a person, who had followed his own example in the intrepid expression of his own sentiments. Hope from this to lkearn a lesson of charity, not to neglect distinction between truths & errors, but to be careful how I sit in judgement upon a fellowman.

Oct. 19. Attended conference this evening. Subject of meditation, "Ye are not your own, ye are bought with a price. A parallel is here drawn between the relation of a Christian to his saviour, & the relation of a slave to his master. An examination of their similarities & differences may be proper. The slave is bought with a price, so the Christian is redeemed from death by the blood of Christ. The slave is fed & clothed & supported by his masters, the Christian must derive all his spiritual existence & comforts from Christ. The slave receives his tasks & learns his duty from his master, the Christian must do the will & follow the example of Christ. - But the slave is profitable to his master, Christians are all unprofitable servants. The slave once enjoyed freedom, he now does not, but Christians were once in bondage to Satan, are now brought into the glorious liberty of the children of God. The slave does not always enjoy the love of his master, & is often evilly located, the Christian may always joy in the God of his salvation, & authour of all his enjoyments. - -

Oct. 28. Mr. Goron preached to day from Ezek. 12.22. Showed 1. In what way the wicked promise life, 2d, how this makes the hearts of the righteous sad, & 3d, how it strengthens the hands of the wicked that he should not return from his wicked way. - -

Nov. 3. The President preached to day with his usual perspicuity & force. He certainly is no common man. Whatever may be thought of the combination of events that brought him to this Institution, & of the characters who were instruments in producing them, every pious heart cannot but be grateful for the labours of love he works among us. His text this morning was [1 line of Greek symbols] from Matthew 16.24 and Luke 9.23 - - Proposed to show the nature of the duty of self denial, its necessity & importance, & the respects wherein it is to be exercised. -

1st Nature of the duty. - For the practice of self denial it is by no means necessary that a man should pursue any cause which tends to make him miserable, or which anyway deprives him of lawful enjoyments. The voluntary humiliations & abstinences, & bodily lacerations commanded by popish priests is not requisite for self denial - These all proceed rather from a proud self -righteous spirit. Self denial means self government, a command over every propensity & possession, so as to bring the whole body & mind into subjection to God. And it is also to be distinguished from a prudence or discretion, which may forego a present gratification. To obtain some future selfish end, to accomplish some selfish scheme. The end sought determines the character for the means where the means are good, altho' the end by no means sanctified them when unlawful. Tue self denial foregoes a gratification solely because it is contrary to the command of God or because it has a tendency to draw the affections from him. -

2. Its necessity - Take for granted the importance of the salvation of the soul, & the necessity of the practice of holiness for this end. The practice of holiness is but another term for the practice of self denial. Holiness is perfect freedom from sin, & sin is the indulgence of wrong desires & passions. - Beings perfectly innocent are in danger of improper indulgence by the constitution of their natures. In this danger Adam & Even tho' created upright fell. Three things tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, & in this respects self denial was her duty. The fruit was good to taste, pleasant to the eyes, & much to be desired to make one wise. - Almost all the commands are prohibitory, "Thou shalt not" etc. If self denial be a duty of being perfectly innocent, how much more is it incumbent on us who are so surrounded with temptation to unlawful indulgence. -

3d. Respects wherein. - 1st In diligence. In this world all men have certain necessary duties to perform to discharge their obligations to each other & to gain subsistences. For the transgression of Adam, we live by the sweat of our brows. Then is there a temptation to idleness & many persons brought up in indolence, spend their lives in listless inactivity, without enterprise or usefullness, remain in the world unrespected, depart from it unlamented, & are forgotten.

Be diligent in business, fervent in spirit serving the Lord. But all, whatsoever is done, should be done for the glory of God. -

Especially should all be diligent in the great work of salvation. Why stand ye all this day idle? Do any ask what shall we do to work the work of God - his work is that ye believe on him whom he hath sent. Professors, are you about your Master's business?

Afternoon - 2nd - Self denial were a duty in some respects had not Christ been revealed & in others the duty is drawn immediately from this revelation of him. Of the former -

1st. In sensual gratifications. God has so constituted us that the sense of sight & hearing, which the mediums of our knowledge, gives us pleasure, & also the food which is necessary for our support. We are not indeed to deny the use of the former, nor to make the latter disagreeable, but they must not be indulged beyond what is useful. When seeing & hearing become the inlets of sin, or indulgence in the pleasures of the palate approaches to intemperance, denial is an imperious duty. -

2d. In pride. Of all the weeds that flourish in the corrupt soil of our depraved hearts, pride is the most noxious, & had by far the most luxuriant growth. Whoever will rank himself will find himself a most abject slave to this destructive passion. It shows itself toward God in a boast of attainments, a confidence in self righteousness & self ability, towards fellow creatures in a self exalting spirit, a contempt of those who are inferior in honour, riches, or knowledge. - No person can be a disciple till this pride is humbled & overcome. - Several other respects were mentioned, of which I recollected this - Honour & wealth. In seeking honour pride is indulged, whoever therefore has been truly humbled before God will count the honours & dignities of the world as dross. - A covetous disposition must be denied. The quantity of riches possessed is not the medium in this [__], a rich man is not necessarily covetous, & a poor man is often avaricious.

Of the latter 1st In reputation. In proportion as churches & individuals approach in precept & example, to the precepts & examples of Christ & primitive Christians, they must share with them in the hatred of the world.

2d. In any suffering or sacrifice. Whosoever forsaketh not all is not my disciple. -

3d. In d-o-i-n-g- seeking the advancement of the kingdom of the Redeemer, in our own souls, & in those of others. - An obvious reflection - The Christian duty is a hard task. He must deny himself, visit the powerful propensity of his nature. -

Infer, the necessity of watchfulness & prayer. Watchfulness alone however will not suffice. The greatest carefulness will not show us half our sins, & will not enable us of our own strength to escape one, constant & fervent prayer must accompany. Prayer & watchfulness must be united, neither will avail without the other.

Nov. 10. Prof. L. gave a discourse upon the improvement of the chastisings of Providence. This subject was chosen on account of the death last week of the death of a daughter of Deac. Dewey. She was one the number who joined themselves last year unto the company of the Lord's people. In her sickness, & on the approach of death she gave to spectators evidence of the genuineness of this work in her, & proof of the sincerity of her hope. This dispensation comes near to the church of this place, & while its members examine themselves & their walk for the cause of the judgement, it ought to produce in them the reasonable fruits of righteousness. Especially does it call for the self examination of those who were gathered in the latter harvest. And, O thou in whose hands, are all their hearts, grant to each grace daily to prove the hope of his soul, & let none take to a refuge of his, which the hail shall sweep away, but keep them all thro' faith unto salvation, & bring them at last unto mount Zion with songs & everlasting joy upon their heads. And especially need I, O my King & Father, to beg thy protecting power for myself. Thou knowest how my soul has turn unto the world, & my heart gone in search of vanities, how I am filled with pride, & love of human praise allows no room for the love God & his Christ. O then grant thy grace may dwell in my heart, make me altogether new.

3rd Journal

Newscastle, Me. Sept. 28th 1817. I arrived here a week to day. Attended meeting to day. Mr. Bayley being absent on a journey, members of the church have several sabbaths lead in prayer & read sermons. I opened the morning services & read this afternoon. I find myself in a new & trying situation. The pious people appear to depend on me for assistance & even for direction. I need therefore new wisdom & grace from God, & O, for the disposition honestly to ask. Tomorrow I must commence the arduous & painful duties of my school; & here again I need divine assistance. O, Lord graciously grant thy presence & strength mercifully direct all the events of the coming year, may thy servant be faithful & successful, never suffer me to forget my dependence nor to cease supplication for thy direction, & may I so discharge all my duties private or public to as to meet thy approbation & wilt thou cause all that I may experience during my present engagement to bring me nearer thyself & prepare me for the society & employments of heaven.

29th I went to day to my schoolhouse, but found no scholars. Closed a familiar epistle to my chosen friend Adams. Have begun one to my beloved cousin Mary, - I hope to be able to make some intellectual advances the coming year; for this purpose intend regularly to divide the time I can claim as my own. Have read in Baron's Essays & Smith's Theory of Mor. Lent. I intend to read daily, 1 or 2 chaps in the Greek Text. & also in Scott's family Bible. I don't recollect to have committed any outward sin to day. But the thoughts of my heart have been too little with God, & for forgiveness & deliverance my hope is in the Redeemer alone.

30th - Have two scholars to day. Walked after school to the post office & called at Dr. Myrichs. I was too free, & was wanting in modesty of manners - saw Mr. Reid, who preaches at Noblebor, forgot a rule of prudence in conversation; I observed that men that usually pass for candid, in public offices, are courters of popularity. He is one of the candid preachers. - Read 2 Ser. in Cesar's Comment. 18 pgs in Smith's Theor, 1 in L'tbeille, 1 chap in G. Text. & 1 in Scott's Bible. I enjoy unusual health of body & feel unusual vigor mind. I attribute them both to my water passage. And desire to devote them to intellectual & spiritual improvement.

Oct. 1. I have three schol's to day, supper at Mr. Bayley's. Saw Mr. Jackson a student at the Hampden charity school, by him I heard pleasing news indirectly from Pres. B., that the case was to be decided in Nov. & was expected to be in favor of the college. I have indulged rather too much that violent appetite of which I yesterday spoke & have not made the acquisitions I ought. Read 12 secs in Cesar, 12 pgs in Smith, 1 in French, & 1 Chap. In G.T. -

2. Read 26 pgs in Smith, 6 secs in the Commentaries, 2 pgs in L'tle, 1 Chap in G.T. & 1 in Scott's. In consequence of exercising too little I am tormented with my old customary drowsiness. So powerful was it this evening that but stupidly indeed I disobeyed the duties of the family & the closet. O! That the Lord's mercy may preserve my soul from spiritual drowsiness & stupidity. -

Oct. 3 Read 30 pgs in Smith, 2 secs in the Comm, 1 pg in French, 1 Chapt in G. Text. & several of Bac. Essays. I am interested & improved by the theory of mor. sent. I find excellent maxims for moral & prudential conduct; & Casar I can hardly lay down.

Oct 4. I read 10 S. in the Comm. 30 pgs in the Theo. & 1 pg in Abeit. I also wrote a letter to Cousin Mary. I ought never to fear to record the secrets of my heart. The natural amiableness of her disposition, quick sensibility & her mental vivacity have long since claimed my affection. Her late religious profession has seemed to increase it, & this event I am almost persuaded to interpret as a permission to indulge its growth to a higher passion. -

Oct. 5. I attended the meeting of the church, Read the sermon in the morning; in p.m. read the sermon & hymns and lead in the first prayer. May God pardon all that He has seen amiss in me to day, & grant that the privileges of his house may not be bestowed in vain. And O thou searcher of hearts suffer me not to live in deception, & may I have the true love of God shed in my heart, & may I always in spirit & in truth call on the name of God. - I am placed in a disagreeable & trying situation. There is a great division respecting the situation of the academy. The people attend worship in different places. There are therefore adverse prejudices, with both of which I am often brought into intercourse. I am determined to maintain a cautious neutrality, & here will begin the Herculean task to unite firmness and dignity with a candour & charity which shall have no respect to persons or parties.

Oct. 6. Had only 3 schol's to day. Attended the concert prayer & lead in one exercise, but heartlessly & I fear without edification to others. - It seems either my profession or my face belies me, for a vulgar person in conversation with me observed, "What other preceptor was a dreadful steady sort of a fellow." Read 30 pgs in Smith, 3 S in the Com, 1 in L'Ab & 1 chap. In Griesback's Nov. Testamentum.

Oct. 7th Two scholars. Read 20 Sers in Caesar, 20 pgs in Smith, 2 in French, & 3 chaps in Scott. I find my mind is in need of some particular discipline for the family of attention I intend for this purpose to read some in Euclid. - My imagination has been roving indeed to day. Baron's Essays upon palaces & gardens gave rise to one reverie. I built my elegant but moderate house, & planted my fruitful & tasty garden, near my father's mansion. Blair's Philos - caused another. Having looked for some particular respecting electricity, I was soon figuring in a Lecture room a Chemist & N. Philos. Those wild vagaries are a twofold cause of happiness; they charm the soul while the delusion remains, & after it is dispelled, they are remembered with a kind of pleasing self-ridicule & laughed at with satisfaction. I ought however to consider them in a more serious light as two unquestionable testimonies to my morning.

8th 2 scholars. Visited at Capt. Little's. I had not enough of self command. There is certain ease of carriage which bespeaks a just sense of one's station, yet without any air of superiority which I ought to exhibit & which I will strive to obtain. It is however vastly more important so to manage on such occasions the unruly family within as to meet the approbation of Him whose eye searcheth secrets. - I must still more resist my natural disposition to levity - Read 36 pgs in Theo. Mor. Lent. 20 Sers in Cesar, 3 pgs in L'Ab. 2 Chapt in Gries, & 1 in Scott. Wrote a letter to Grosvenor Dart. College -

9th 3 scholars. Read 24 Sers in Comm. 28 in Smith, 1 p in French, 2 chap. In Scott & 2 in Griesb. - Also Boling. Idea of a Patri King in the Polit. Review. Noticed in this Rev. some reference to the Berlin & Milan decrees & the Orders in Council. I wish very much to find some impartial succinct account or history of the more modern contentions of Eng. & Fran. - It might afford some clue to a just opinion respecting the two pol. parties, which till now have by their mutual incessant hostilities been the scourge of our nation. The calm which has succeeded this storm of contention renders it far less difficult to come at the truth; passion & party retire & reason is left to her own control. - To enter indeed into political speculation would be far enough from the business of my profession, but in even this science I would not be a complete novice.

10th Some ladies called in this evening. I have degraded myself in my own estimation if not in that of others. Dignity or self-possession I have but a small portion. Of the situation of the Mississippi I know enough, but when asked a question, I hesitated, blundered, blushed; in short was laughed at, pride! Vanity! O, I deserve to be punished with the ridicule of all, - may these bad passions be conquered. - I will however exert more restraint upon myself. I have a habit of giving a gay air to every tale I relate, this is by no means good for the use of edifying. - Read 36 pg in Smith, 2 in Lit. 1 Cahp. In Gries, & 1 in Scott. - 3 scholars.

11th Indolence is growing upon me; this morning I accomplished little before school. Determined to rise at least so do to be at study as soon as the light is sufficient. This afternoon I put a cover on her Bible for mine hostess. It is not a little diverting to notice the gratitude many persons express on such trifling occasions. Far less would be expressed for a faithful fervent prayer. Read 52 pp in the Theo. 10 Sers. In Comm. 2 pgs in French 2 Chaps in Gries. & 1 in Scott. ---- 3 scholars. ------

12th Holy time is returned, & O my soul where art thou. At what doest thou here? - Mr. Baley returned last night, & came forth to his people to day in the fullness of the blessing. My expectation had been raised high. They were fully met. Everything savoured of the Christian; his prayers & his sermon were full apparently of grace. The company of such a man must be useful. More than till now I have done I regret the necessity which separates me from his family. - His text was, Labour therefore to enter into that rest. - The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence & the violent take it by force. They who do not labour therefore & labour diligently, cannot get possession. O that I may continue to labour unto the end. How many vile passions I have yet to subdue, how many graces to acquire; well may I adopt the language - "Nothing has half my work to do," "Yet nothing's half so dull." O for the spirit with all his quickening power. - Read 5 Chaps in Scotts Comm. & 2 in Griesbacks Nov. Testa. & in eveing 20 pgs in Smith, & had some conversation with Mrs. L. -

13 - Had 6 scholars. - Called at Mr. Bayley's after school, He & his wife appeared very affectionate. He gave me very fatherly & good advice. Enjoined it upon me as a duty habitually to take corporeal exercise. Urged me to take the firm stand of a Christian, determined to be consistent & to do something for Christ, - to cast my influence in every company on the Lord's side. I received his advice with gladness & gratitude. May it profit me. O that God will bless any present situation to my growth in grace. His power & mercy in influencing, guiding & supporting me can alone fit me for the duties & the trials that are this year before me. O may I not shrink from duty nor faithlessly perform it. Borrowed three Nos of the Rel. Mon. of Mr. B. who has made me welcome to his books, a welcome grateful enough, & which must in part compensate the loss of his company. Read Mr. Marsden's journal N Tes. 10 P in Cesar, 20 pgs in Sm. 1 in Litt, 2 Chaps in Scott & 1 in Gries.

14th. My school increases. - I felt a new vigor this morning to see even 9 in my house. - Walked this evening to the P.O. - Finished the theory of Moral Sentiments, I have been highly entertained in reading this work & think also highly benefitted. He does not simplify as the N.E. Divines generally do the principles of human conduct & the sources of their moral sentiments. The latter to support the doctrine unquestionably scriptural of total depravity have taken ground which I believe not perfectly tenable, at least without a refining & subtilty [sic], which are somewhat inconsistent with the philosophy of facts. - It does not appear to me that the reference of every human principle of action to self love is necessary to maintain this doctrine. An essay on this subject would be novel & might comprise & exhibit philosophical acumen & religious orthodoxy. - Red 29 Sers Com, 1 Chap in Gries, 3 in Scott.

15. - 9 scholars. - I have done very little to day. Have read 1 Chapter in Gries. & 3 in Scott. - - My time has been employed in Covering books. It often remarked that when the hands are are [sic] performing their labour the mind may at the same time be engaged in some useful & agreeable train of thought. However it may be with others the fact is not so with me. Never have I been conscious of any such train when thus employed. I can indeed set myself at some little work, intending all the while to fix my thoughts in some particular subject & actually do it. But when I have any object in my work, any design to accomplish, I hardly think in the mean time, at least I have no recollection of it when my labour is closed. I am almost wholly inattentive even to the things about me. Thus in the trifling business of this afternoon, I can recollect no train of thought, & I suffered my fire to go out.

16th.. - 9 scholars. Read 3 Chaps in Scott, 1 in Griesb - 5 sers in the Comm, & a number of pgs in Fergus Ast., which one of my scholars is studying. Walked to the P.O. - Notice in the paper, a biog. sketch of Mr. Prentiss, of whose death till then I was ignorant. If it is right to make the inference the conduct of the seceders from Dr. M.s church has not met with the sanction of God. - Read an amount (Rel. Mon.) of a cripple who had never enjoyed religious conversation nor even heard a sermon, but was still most surprisingly acquainted with the contents of the scriptures & their spiritual import. A stubborn fact in the way of deniers of d. influence.

17. 9 scholars - Read 1 Chap. in G. 2 ½ in Scott, 1 pg in French & Smith's essay on the formation of Languages, annexed to the Theo. Mor. Sent. This essay is mentioned by Stewart & approved as satisfactorily accounting for the origin of general terms. I recollect maintaining at a recitation in apposition to Pres. B. who mentioned Dr. Mages as having shown it erroneous. I am still more disposed to believe it since I have read the whole essay. Should however to compare the Dr.'s.

18th.. 9 scholars. Read in morning in Scott. - But have done little in my study. On account of an accident, which called me out this afternoon. Took tea with Mrs. Gannett, I fear I have made a mistake in this, for if I can read the countenances of my scholars, they are already inclined to accuse me of partiality to her daughter. And to confess the truth, I am quite a convert of my friend's opinion, that it is impossible not to be partial.

19th. Had little opportunity of reading to day, because I attended a conference five miles after meeting. I can take no praise for this if it deserved any, for I should not have gone without urging from Mr. Bayley. I desire that it may be blessed to me & others. Was introduced to Mr. Cheever, who was a subject of the revival at N. Ipswich Academy & graduated Past Comm. at Bow. Coll. Appears pious in reality.

20th.. 11 scholars. My family it seems increases. Received a letter from Classm. Blais, at Plainf. [Plainfield] My situation here is not I suspect so good as the one I rejected there, excepting it demands greater exertion & may therefore more establish the character. Read 3 Chaps in Gries. & 1 in Scott's Bible, & 4 S in Cesar.

21st 11 scholars. Have undertaken to prepare exercises for my school in grammar, punctuation & rhetoric on the plans of Murray; & in consequence have read a Chap in Scott only. I now find the want of a better skill in penmanship which I almost despised in College.

22. 11 scholars. Read 20 sers in the Comm. 2 Chaps in Gries. & 1 in Scott. Have been provoked enough at my indecision.

24th 12 schol. Attended the lecture preparatory for communion. Mr. Bayley preached, without notes. Read 10 sers in Cesar, 13 pgs in M's Gram. 2 Chaps in Griesback, & 2 in Scott.

25th.. Read 13 pgs in Murrays G 18 pg in Ferg. Astron. 2 Chaps in Scott, wrote in full from the short hand copy one pg of my translation of Gibbon's essay on literature. & some exercises in syntax for my school.

26th. Have enjoyed a season of sacramental communion. Mr. Bayley seemed to enter within the veil & to draw us all after him, O may God bless the day & its privileges to my soul, awake me out my sleep, & cause me to engage earnestly in his serviced. I have denied my Saviour, like Peter, I would go out & weep, & like him weep with godly sorrow. Read 4 Chaps in Scott, 1 in Gries. Wrote this evening to Mary.

27. 3 New scholars. Read 2 Chaps in Scott, 1 in Griesback, 10 in Murray, copied two sers. of the trans. Rode to the tailors, was measured for suitout - purchased some flannel for drawers & now retire to rest praying for pardon & mercy thro' my blessed Saviour.

28. Visited Mr. Bay - He urged me on the subject of the conference meetings & the Wednes. School. Ought I so required to go five miles every Sunday evening, & to keep two schools!, I suppose I ought to be weary never of doing good. I must learn to endure hardness. Read 10 pgs in Mur. 15 in Ferg. 20 in D. Clarke's travels, 1 Chap in G. & 1 in Scott.

29. Read 30 pg in Clarke, 12 in Mur. 2 Chap in Scott, Wrote to C. Blaisdell. Read laws in school, & remarked.

30. Read 54 pgs in Clarke, 12 in Ferg. 4 in Mur. 2 Chap Scott

Nov. 1st. I have nothing to day, but merely to dine at Mr. Coffin's one of the trustees. I was criminally anxious about my appearance. But I almost bore testimony for Christ. - Nov. 2d - Being a very stormy day, there has been no preaching. Read the 22 report of the B. Miss. Soc. & one of the sermons delv. at their Ann. Meet. 1818 - 5 Chaps in Scott, 1 in Griesb. Have a very bad cold, little vigour of mind as fervency of spirit.

3. Read the long expected letter from my friend Adams. He exclaims with energy in the words of Horace, Qui fit &etc. Mentions a periodical publication & N.Y.

4. Read 50 pgs in Clarke.

8. Finished 3d vol. C read 25 in 4th 1 Chapt in Ferg, 1 in Griesb. 2 in Scott. Begun a letter to my friend. Tinkered a little about the El. Machine. I am falling into carelessness in my reading, must renew my system with resolution to maintain it. Article Elasticity on D. En.

9. Mr Bayly preach very solemnly. May God bless the word to the hearers, O that it may quicken me. Attended conference will God accept, pardon, & bless, for the Redeemer's sake.

15. The week has closed, & nothing but a blank is found in my book & it has been nearly a blank in every respect. Had a new scholar. Have 15 & 16 chaps in Scott, 18 pp in Clarke, & a few in Murray & Ferguson. Visited at Mrs. Farley's during the week. Received to day the Record.

16. Rode four miles to meeting Mr. B preached. I find from neglect of the habit I once acquired I can with difficulty remember the scope & divisions of a sermon. Intend to renew the practice. Read a miss. serm. & in Scott.

18. Read in Murray, Fergus. & Griesb. & finished C. Travels. 2 Sers. This is a valuable work. Yesterday mailed a letter to my friend, had two new schols, & am to day total now 23. -

Sunday 23rd. Borrowed last 1 vol - Mosheim 2 & vol of Clarke. Read about 30 in Clarke. Yesterday received a letter from Grosvernor. To day I have been in a mood trying situation. The clergyman who was expected to preach for Mr. Bailey did not appear. A few minutes before the people assembled Mrs. B. sent in a sermon & desired me to officiate the services. Having no time for preparation, I felt as if I must sink under the task, which was the greater that a family were to be present who have been severely afflicted, & to request the prayers of the people. I felt the weaker that I had not made even my ordinary preparation for the duties of the Sabbath, I was depressed with shame & confusion for the indulgence of my besetting sin. But I have discharged the duties of the day. God only knows whether well or ill. I beseech him to pardon all my pride & hypocrisy & to bless the exercises of the day to the everlasting good of all present.

24. 2 New schols. Read 1 Chap in Clarke, 1 in Scott, 15 pp in Murr, a few verses in Griesb. & w sers in Cesar. I intend to study a little more systematically & effectually that I have for a few weeks last past. Cold weather, short days, writing books to be prepared & exercises corrected, eating & family duties combining I find however small opportunity for study. Have begun a letter to Uncle Warren. - Class agreeably.

25. Read 1 Chap in Scott 1 in Griesb. 1 in Clarke & in Weem's Life of Washington, 12 pp in Murray & 4 Sers in Comm. - Clarke is firm in the belief of the reality of all the history of Homer. - I have come to the notion that I will attempt to write a sermon, - if the conference cogitated by Mr. B. be set. I may have opportunity try my skill without the knowledge of assy.

26. Read 1 Chap in Weems, 1 in Grisb, 6 pp in a little pithy book title Province of Reason, 1 C in Scott, & few pp. In Clarke. My Garnette did not come; but received a circular to the G. & Hon. Mem. S.F.S. from Gros.on the subject of the attack on the Lib. by the Proff. of the University. Such an outrage should be persecuted to the very extremity of the law. A scandal to society, that men in their status should thus conduct.

27. Read 3 Chaps in Weems, 1 in Pros. Reas., 1 in Gries, 2 in Scott, part of Chap in Clarke, & 3 sect. in the Commentaries.

30. Mr. Mitchell of Waldoborough preached to day in a manner that interested me considerably. I have cause for the deepest humiliation before God, I hope I have this evening had some of the feelings of a penitent. O that the Holy Spirit of God may be upon me to thoroughly purge away the dross of my soul, it is all dross, but He is all sufficient to save.

Dec. 1 Attended the monthly concert. Mr. B. being absent it fell to me to lead the meeting. Read in H. Mores Prac. Piety.

2. Read 1 Chap. in Weems 1 in Province of R. 1 in Clarke, 1 in Gries, & 1 in Scott, 6 pp in Murr. & 4 sers in the Comm. Have indulged quite too much impatience. If I cannot bear with dullness in fellow mortals, how will God bear with sinfulness & iniquity in me his creature! -

3. Received a letter from Henry, the first from home since I left. Read 1 Chapter in Gries. 2 in Scott, 1 in Province - 1 in Clarke, contained account of the battles which gave the British possession in Egypt in the expedition commanded by Abercrombie & all. Lord Hutch. Minon the French commander makes but a ridiculous appearance. - Mentions a remarkable appearance frequent in Egypt called by the French mirage. When you approach a city, the desert intervening often appears like a broad lake in which may be seen reflected even the minute objects of the town. Read 3 sers. in the Comment. - Had 3 new schols on the 1st inst. -

4. This is the day of public thanksgiving. Mr. Bayley preached. In evening attended meeting at his house where was read the very interesting story of Little Henry & his bearer. Wrote to Henry, & to Hobbs. Read two ch. In Scott.

5. Finished the Province of reason, read 1 Chap in Scott, 1 in Gries - 1 in Clarke, & 2 in Weems. - 6. Received Rev. & D. Goz, Nov. 19 & what was quite as acceptable a letter from Cousin Mary. The style of penmanship & composition both as superior. O that her talents & acquirements may be sanctified. Read 12 Chap in Clarke, 1 in Gries, 1 in Scott. I have so many writing books to inspect, correct and prepare that I can read but little. Strive however to do something. -

7. A Mr. Alden preached, He is travelling to Penabscot on a mission. Went to Mr. Sherman's to attend a conference. -

8. Two new schol's. Tot. 30. Visited Mr Baley's this evening. Found both in very sociable time. I can do very little indeed but attend to my school duties. How I miss College leisure.

9. 1 New schol. Read 1 chap Scott, some pp in Clarke, Hobbing laws of the world. - 10. Read Goz. Read Pres. Message. Prudence & candour are manifested. The repeal of taxes is recommended. An opinion expressed that Con. has no power to undertake canals or institute seminaries. Read 1 Chap Scott, 1 Griesb, in Weems, including Washington's Farewell Address.

11. Read 2 Chap Scott, 1 in Weems, 1 in Gries. clos. 2. Coin, 1 in Clarke, Wrote a page in my blank book from Clarke. Intend to preserve thus all I learn from him illustrative of Bible history & allusions. Thought of 8,31 Prov. For a text. "12th" Wrote a little earlier than usual. Read 3 Chaps Scott, 2 Gries. 1 Weems, 8 S. in Cesar, & 1 Chap in Clarke, & wrote a few notes. "13th" Called at Mr. B & borrowed some Num's Christian Observed. - 14. Attended meeting at Sheepscot bridge. Mr. B. preached a solemn discourse. During the past week I have been too careless in my carriage, especially in my closet, as I have a student with me, on whom undoubtedly my scant retired appearance will have greater influence than my public. I am determined to strive to gain greater mastery over myself, trifling in one in my station is both disgusting & criminal, but selfcommand & dignity in appearance are but worthless jewels, without that holiness of heart which alone can impart shining & lasting luster, & without which no man can see the Lord. Read Record, 1 Chap. Gies. 1 in Scott. - 20. Have been so much engaged in the business of the school as to neglect all else, have read but little, & thought less. For the first time I preached this week.

28. Another week has past & little improvement on my part. Have seen a little work The Sunday School Teacher's Guide. A work well worth the attention of every instructor of every kind. I think I have enjoyed some enlargement to day after a season of distressing darkness. At Mr. Bayley's request I read to his congregation in intermission the Airs of Soc. in Acts, N.H. When I came to the exclamation "Do, dear Master do pray for me," utterance almost failed me . I thought O if my scholars might be so affected, alas, my conduct my whole appearance has been such as is far more likely to produce the contrary effect, may God pardon. Am to lead this evening a Conf. At my As. O for divine assistance, not only to show my own stubborn heart, but to benefit others.

Jan. 2d. 1818. Day before yesterday was my day of examination. The spectators I am told were gratified. Yesterday called at Mrs. Gannett's, Mr. Bayley's & Capt. Little's, & having a cold was quite fatigued. Last week a sweat & have been obliged to keep in house to day. Read a little in Dobson. Wrote to Dean Warren & to Wheeler at Andover.

3d. We know not what a day may bring forth. I rode on horseback this morning to the mills. Found a letter in Off. Sorry to learn, he has been ill. He most frankly tells me of another less dangerous illness. I have written 8 pages on the subject almost unconsciously. In the morning I thot of going to the moon as much as writing to I. Adams on the subject of marriage.

4th.. Mr. B. preached. My conference was thinly attended, it being very windy. 5th.. Attend the concert prayer meeting Mr. Ellingwood's sermon was read. I made the closing prayer. Sent a letter to my friend this letter has excited with new intensity the tender feelings of my heart. May God all I think amiss in consequence. Read in Scott, & wrote Punctuation Exercises. -

6th .. - Called at Mr. Bayley's & Mrs. Farley's. At the last, in one instance, I transgressed the rules of prudence. I was enabled to maintain some degree of soberness of mind. Am determined in God's strength to master my foolish & wicked levity. Borrowed the Memoirs of Miss. N.M. Hyde, & have read with uncommon interest a number of pages this evening. Her compositions at the early age of 12 are fraught with sense & clothed in elegance, proofs of a maturity of intellect seldom the fortune of that age. Wrote to Cousin Sarah.

7th.. Read in Miss H's writings & Planke. Wrote to Cousin Martha. Made some extracts from Clarke. Intend to clear off my fugitive reading this week & to commence next systematic study.

8. Commenced school. 29 scholars. Mr. B. gave sermon to the N.C. Society, which I joined, & of which I am elected President. Read in Scott, & extracted & abstracted from Clarke.

10. Finished extracting from Clartke, sketched a Constitution for the N.C. Society. -

11. It being very windy did not attend meeting, as it was held at Sheepscot in morning. Evening attended at A. Mr. Weston preached. Read in Scott's choice dross, Christian Observer, Did not receive yesterday my Recorder.

18. Morn. The week has past & I can give little account of it. Instead of commencing more systematic study I have done less than usual. The business of my school too much now to be lamented, deadens my religious life, if indeed I have any. Yesterday introduced the exercise of catechising. I trust it will be useful to me & the scholars. Yes. Called at Mr. Bayley's & became acquainted with Mr. Mitchell. - This morning felt some sense of my vileness - had little utterance in secret prayer, but felt unusually free in the family - O, for the Spring of prayer & supplications, dear Redeemer, arise as the day star in my heart, & let me no more grieve thee to depart from me. O leave me not, joined unto idols. 25th.. Another week has passed of which I must say as of the last. Yesterday rode from Alna to Hallowell J., returned here. It was cold & stormy; received a letter from brother Marsh at And. - Mr. Ashman preached to day, P.M. from Matt. 33 v. 23 Ch. - little probability impenitent sinners will change their course & escape damnation. - Wrote to Sewall. -

26. Read in 1st vol. Clarkes Travels, - in Russia. The great bell of Moscow lies in the Kremlin, 67 ft in circumference, 23 inch. Thick, it never was mounted, but was cracked by the burning of the building over it. One mounted over St. Ivan is above forty ft in circumf. Convened with Const. By Plato. - 28. - Abstracted in manuscript introduction to Mosheim's Eu. Hist. - Read 1 Ch. in Griesback, & one in Clark, & finished reading the Grave of Blair, cousin to the Prof. Attended the funeral of a young man whose death was of singular & solemn circumstance. Mr. B. had hardly finished the exercise of marrying his sister, when the deceased, who had been some time declining, called on him "pray for me," "pray quick." And added, "I am a great sinner." "Lord Jesus have mercy on me" - & expired. A sister is expected every day to follow him. -

29. Read 1 Chap. in Grisb. 1 in Clarke, & 1 in Mosheim. Of the latter I hope to finish an abstract during the year. Received the 1s sec, 1st vol Stewart, & read in Scott. - Dismissed a scholar. - Have been enabled this week to conduct more soberly, from having been more sober minded. May I watch & pray unto the end. -

31. Read 1 Chap in Gries, 1 in Clarke, a Ps in Scott, 2 sect. in Stewart, abstracted 1st Chap. of Mosheim, & parsed a few pps in Swain's Redemption. - Attended to the exercise of catechizing in my school. The scholars gave as good attention as might be expected. Exceedingly cold. It is impossible to keep comfortable by a blazing fire. Carlton was called home by the sickness of his sister.

Feb. 1. Mr. Thurston, who married for second wife, the sister of Pres. Brown, preached to day. Subjects the example of Christ, & the effects & necessity of the pouring out of the Holy Spirit.

While I acknowledge my obligations of gratitude to God for producing & in some good degree preserving lately in me a new soberness of mind. I have the greatest cause to keep prostrate at the Cross for those corruptions & lusts which like the troubled ocean rage within, O, wretched that I am, if not delivered from their sway, O Lord, Stay the dearest lust I cherish. Says Swain, "If they favourite sin"

"Find harbour in thy breast, the Heaven's are brass"

"Above thy head, & deaf Jehovah's ear"

"To all thy supplication." - Read Ps in Scott, 1 Chap. in Gries. & few pp. In Swain. - Monday attended concert prayer. Mr Bayley read part of Dr. Mason's sermon on the death of Mrs. Graham. Yesterday attended the funeral of Miss Dodge, the sister of the young man who was buried last Wednesday. Both died of the consumption. The sister died in hope. Called at Mr. B's - introduced to Miss Crosby the intended of Mr. Ashman. Read to Mrs. B. a few pp. of Mrs. Graham. To day read Ps in Scott, 1 Chap Griesb, number Clarke, & Stewart. By mentioning soberness of mind in the record of a past day, I only prepared the way for my shame. Honesty requires the record of the present should acknowledge it superficial because transient - it has fled - O that I were not obliged to add, sin besetting sin, has taken its place, again I must exclaim "wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from the body of this death!" It is of my Lord's mercy I am not consumed. O, may the Spirit come with the mercy.

7th. On 5th Read Scott, Grisb. & abstracted 1 Chapt of Mosheim. On 6th Conferred on the Const. N.C. S. with Mr. Nickels, & called at Mrs. Farley's. - Read a letter from Brother Wheeler at Andv. He mentions the loss of their Acad. by fire. Noticed in D. Goz the death of an interesting youth of the S. Class D.C. Sam Gookin.

8th The preaching was at Sheepscot. Conducted a meeting at the Ac. When I read the intersting narrative of the revival at Fair Haven Vt. There was profound attention. Some wept. O may the Same Sprit e poured o9ut from an high in this place. Read in Scott & Griesback & the Recorder. -

9th Read in Scott, Griesb. & Clarke.

10th. Read in Scott, Gries & Clarke, & Stewart. Dined at Capt. Alex L's, Capt L. & his wife are the greatest egotists I ever found. Every thing terminates with an I or my or we. Severely cold yesterday & to day. -

11. Read in Scott, Gries., Stewart & Clarke. Abstracted 1 Chapter of Mosheim. Dismissed a scholar. Admitted one for the study of Navigation. Surveyed the ground fronting the Academy with an instrument of my invention, fabricated by one of my scholars. -

12th Rose too late to do much in morning. This evening N.C. Soc. met & adopted the constitution I had proposed. Received a letter from Blaisdell, dat. Jan. 9 --

13th Polton dismissed. Rode to Mrs. Little's, lost the path & obliged to wade thro' drifts. --

14th.. Attended to the exercise of catechising. Read in Scott, Gries, & in Clarke's T. - the life of Mrs. Isabella Graham. Read letter to Temple.

15th.. Mr. Bayley preached. Read in Scott, Gries. and of Hopkins' sermons "The reason of the Christian's hope." -

16th Rec'd two new scholars. Read in Scott, Gries, & Clarke's Mrs. Graham. Abstracted 1 Chap. of Mosheim.

18th.. Attended a meeting at which read sermon from Ch. ob. - Narr. of Revis. Read Recorder & made some remarks, very few present.

20th.. Read in Scott, 1 Chap Mill., G Test. Abstracted 1 Chap Mosheim.

21st.. Attended the exercise of catechizing. Rec'd a letter from Cousin Sarah. Visited Esq. Dennis of Noble-borough. Here again forgot to be prudent. From his politicks he is inclined to favour the University. I expressed my feelings too freely. When will a fool learn wisdom? - 22. Meeting at the Acad. Mr. Bayley preached. In the morning, I entered with some engagedness of feeling into the exercises - since have been almost stupid. Read in Scott, Mill, & Christian Obser. Bible Soc. B & F. - Recorder.

23rd.. Read in Scott, Mills, Clarke. Called at Mr. Bayley's. Read there an account of the repetition of the experiment of sinking the bottle mentioned by Campbell. Trav. L. Afr. reptd. by Mr. Lowdes. -

24th.. Read Scott, Mills, abstracted from Mosheim. Finished Clarke in 1st Vol. He treats the poor Aussians without mercy. From prince to peasant, they love grease & brandy; are dirty & mean.

25. Held meeting at the Academy. Rec'd letter from Adams.

26. Called at Capt A. L's after school, was betrayed into an apology for wearing an ordinary coat. This I condemn, & will not practice. -

27.Read Ps in Scott, 3 Chps in Mills - Abst. 5 pp. in Mosheim.

March 1st - Mr. Bayley preached. Full assembly. Conducted the conference, read the account of the church in Shoreham Vt by Mr. Moreton, formerly a student at the Academy & that from Kentucky in the Record No 9. Made some remarks on the obligations of baptised children & their parents. May God wash all in the Saviour's blod & acceptance. Read in Scott, Mills, & Record. -

2d.. The weather has been warm since Sab. Great fall of rain. Read Ps in Scott, 1 Chap Mills, 1 Chap in Stewart, Abstracted 10 pp of Mosheim. -

6th Cold again. Read in Scott, Mills, abstracted several pp of Mosheim. -

9th. Saturday d. ant. hest. Rode to Alna via Mills. Called at Judge Stebbins'-- he not returned from Boston - his wife very sociable. Just called at Mr. Carlton's. Took tea on return at Ms. Lincoln's. In evening held a meeting at the Academy. Yest, Mr. Bayley preached at Sheepscot A.M. - P M, I held a meeting at Ac. Well attended - read 1st Chap. Thornton's little book on repentance. Called after school & took tea at Mr. Bayley's & proceeded to Mr. W. Dodge's a pious good man, & passed a pleasant evening in his Christian company.

14th.. The week has passed to little purpose. It has seen me in the indulgence of sin - It has seen me too, I hope in humiliation for this indulgence. Yet I am now on the confines of the Sabbath with but a stupid frame - possibly in some degree affected by a severe cold. - During the week have read in Scott, Mills, Stewart, Walker, Elo & transcribed a little of the essay. Began to draw of map of S. America. Recorder not received. -

15. Read in Scott, Mills, & Hopkin's sermons.

22d. Another week has flown by - the traces of improvement are few & dubious. Progressed a little, indifferent in the manner indeed, in the Mass. Visited Mr. B's Tuesday Ev. where Miss A. Chapman is now performing a visitation. Have read in Scott, Mills, Stewart & Walker & Rec.s No's 11 & 12. Wrote to Br. Temple. Mr. Bayley preached to day. - I have reason to thank God for his holy day. - Begun a letter this evening to Cousin Mary L.

23rd. Read in Scott, Mills, & Walker. Commenced my address to the N.C. Chap. Soc. to be delivrd 2d Thurs. April. Three months have been before me for this task. Tantus labor incipiendi. Begun an epistle to Blaisdell. -

April 2d. State fast. - Have received this week the bundle committed to the care of Hon. J.L. - It contained a Flute, Singing book, Stewart's & Playfair's Dissertations & letters from Sewall & Maria. The latter of whom has lately been visited with a warning dispensation of Providence. I pray that she may improve the life mercifully preserved to cast her self into the army of Him who alone can pluck her from everlasting burnings. ------ 5th.. Have enjoyed no meeting for worship. Read in Scott, Gries, Hopkin's Serm. & in a Miss Woodby - During pst wk. Read Scott, Gries. Stewart's Dissertation, P. Nat. Theol. & wrote the add. Principally. - Yest. Received letters from Marsh & Dean Warren. Sent pridie to Blaisdell. - D.C. Question, learnt from D. Goz. was argued 3 days at Washington.

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